Lila Burke Dodson

At 7:06 am on Christmas morning, we welcomed Lila Burke Dodson into the world. She was 7lb, 10oz, 19 inches long, and her arrival was anything but boring. More to come, but for now, here she is...

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Jesus or Mary?

I'm really hoping it doesn't come down to those two names, but apparently I'm 2-3 centimeters dilated. TMI for you? Yeah, me too. Let's just say I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Bedo doesn't get antsy because I know she/he really doesn't want a Christmas birthday. I know, such a selfish and silly thing to worry about given all that could go wrong with pregnancy, but I'd really like my doctor to deliver me and I really don't want to miss Christmas with C and D.

Please don't be offended...

If 12/30 rolls on by and you don't get a post or an email announcement from us. Why the delay?

1. I haven't created the "email list" that everyone says you should do beforehand. I'm too superstitious.

2. We have no name. Seriously. I packed my hospital bag and in it are two baby name books. There's no way we'll have a name for Bedo upon arrival. I don't think I want to at this point. I'd like a little time to get to know the monkey first. We're closer on a girl name than a boy name, but we're definitely not "there" in any way.

BTW, is it weird that I'm sort of thinking of my stay in the hospital as a mini 'vacation?' No one to cook a meal for, tv in my room, vicodin, what's not to like? I actually have a list of "to dos" I want to get done while I'm there. I think I keep forgetting that this baby will actually be in my room a lot of the time. With C and D my room was eerily quiet (though the NICU is the world's best babysitter, i'll say that much). And I'm forgetting that I might actually be in pain, or tired, or on drugs. Still, some of it sounds kind of relaxing.

Confidence is Key

We were talking to D and C about what they might be when the grow up. We were offering ideas "You could be a doctor" "You could be a jet girl" etc. etc.

Andrew says "You could be a swimmer."

C looks at Andrew, gives him a "Daddy you're so silly smile" and says, "Daddy, we already ARE swimmers."

Accurate Visual

From the Sports Guy a few days ago...

Get it? They're holding a fishing pole and trying to reel you in? My latest favorite excuse for Donovan McNabb's resurgence these past few weeks: His wife had a tough pregnancy that was resolved Dec. 4 (healthy twins), and now that his house is back in order, he's back to playing with the same old fire. I have to admit, that's a pretty good one. One catch: How does this explain his unwillingness to scramble until AFTER he got benched in the Baltimore game? If you're battling family problems, it makes you not want to roll out and run for 10 yards on a wide-open field? Beyond that, wouldn't your life become MORE complicated after having twins? Have you or a friend had twins? Remember when Richard Dreyfuss was scuba diving in "Jaws," and he was looking through a hole in a sunken boat and a waterlogged head floated in front of him? The face the waterlogged head had … that's what parents look like after they have twins. For like three years. Anyway, I'm not buying the McNabb twins theory. Sorry.

The Goose is Cooked

I'm over 37 weeks. If I had Bedo today she/he'd be term. I had an ultrasound last week and Bedo was 6lb, 5oz--one ounce shy of double miss D. Bedo still has the enlarged ureter/kidney issue. It is 'borderline' but they are going to do another ultrasound a month after birth. Most of these resolve themselves naturally. (Bedo also has a very large nose if the 3d ultrasound is accurate. As an aside, I realize I really don't like ultrasounds--they stress me out).

I'm going to get a term baby, one who bipasses the NICU and heads straight for the Fat Baby nursery. That is awesome. Now I just need to hold out 11 more days. I'm a few centimeters dialated. It is selfish to worry about because there are no health issues, but I'd REALLY like to get past Christmas at the very least.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

And that would make me incredibly stupid. Why? Oh let me count the ways. Let's start with the basics. A kid due Jan 6? A Dec 30th c section? Two days after my birthday!! With two other kids at home not yet 3? And moving two weeks after a c-section?

• For having a kid at this time of year--both because it is a brutal time to have a birthday, and being this pregnant around the holidays SUCKS for your other kids. Not to mention that I feel selfish being so worried about not going into labor when it is for purely selfish reasons, not health related reasons, that I am worried.
• For having 3 kids in 3 years. Someday I think I will think it was a great call because hopefully they will all be close enough to be friends, but right now I just keep thinking "what was the rush again?" The other day i was in a store buying gifts and I turn around to find that C and D have pulled the grocery cart on top of themselves. People were quick to help me get them up and put things back in our cart and as I effusively thanked them they said "Well you look like you have your hands full." Translation: "You're an idiot, but I feel bad for you anyway." (Which is better than the other translation that sometimes applies: "Where's your nanny? Don't all twin moms have full-time nannies who go everywhere with them?" Or worse "I don't fault you for the twins, but clearly you could have done something about that giant basketball underneath your shirt.")
• For moving 2 weeks after a new baby (and a csection). Again, we are pretty excited about the apartment so I think it was the right call, but right now it just seems so daunting. I mean packing seems like a good way to induce, not stave off labor, wouldn't you think?
• For living in San Francisco. Let's not get into that right now I guess, but just think: $,$,$.

So feel free to call me stupid. I know I do.

Some pics of C in blue and D in red

Bandaids...

...not just for owies anymore.
C sporting the look

D sporting the look.

And thanks to Lindsay for this pic of the girls in their "holiday outfits" (complete with PJs underneath). C in blue with pink shoes, D in red. They are obsessed with their pink and red "sparkle shoes." And I have some 'outtakes' from our holiday card photo shoot i'll post (and yes, thank goodness i made it a new years card because i don't think we're going to make the big day. At this point I am happy to get ANYTHING out.

Add it to our List

We found a new place to live. The good news? Bedo will actually have a room of her/his (this week i'm guessing girl) own. The bad news? We have to move within a few weeks of someone slicing my stomach open. Sweet.

In all seriousness, we're pleased. It is walking distance to C/D's preschool, and though we'll have to leave our current neighborhood this other neighborhood is great too (Andrew judges all locations by how close they are to a starbucks and this place is even closer). There are definitelly some trade offs--only one parking space in an area with bad parking options (as opposed to where we live now where parking is unbelievably easy)--but we've looked around enough to think we are making the right trade offs.

Now we just have to pack and move. With a newborn and an almost helpless mother. Wish us luck.

Project Dylan

Just in case D ends up some kind of designer someday (I like to think she'd be of the Gwen Stefani/L.A.M.B genre) , I thought I'd chronicle some of her 'early works.' This is her most recent favorite ensemble...my favorite part is the flame leggings OVER the jeans (it looks like one of my ski outfits circa 1987). Often times when D gets dressed in the morning A reminds her "not to forget her Indigo Girls CDs." (And yes, I've started to hide some of her shirts because EVERY morning she says to me "I want to wear my fish shirt." The only really girly things she likes are the barrettes I get on Etsy. While inexpensive, they aren't free, and yet D manages to lose them ALL the time. But sometimes they are the only thing on her that says "girl" so I feel obliged to grant her demands of "4 barrettes" in her hair each morning).
Of course, not to be outdone, this is C's version of 'bundling up' for a cold day.I have been terrible on the pictures this month too. Worst month yet. So sad. I have gotten several professional pics of c/d (a photographer at school and a photographer who I had a credit with) but I can't post those. I'd say you'd see them in our Xmas card but Recessionmas has made me think that maybe I'll just take a pic myself and throw it into Tiny Prints instead : ).

Bump Watch

On 11/21 (or maybe 11/20 depending on how you count it) I was 33 weeks and 2 days pregnant. That is when I gave birth to the monkeys. So I am officially now more pregnant than I have ever been. Pretty cool.
Just to give you a comparison, here I am pregnant with C and D.

At almost 31 weeks, headed into the hospital for steroids and bedrest on 12/30/05. (And yes, I'm petrified in this picture).

At almost 32 weeks.The day of delivery, 33 weeks and 2 days pregnant. And here are some pics with Bedo.

At 31 weeks.

At 33 weeks and 2 days (and extremely freakin' pale, I might add). Yesterday, at 36 1/2 weeks.

Looking at these pics makes me realize why people take pictures of their bellies with their bellies showing, because clothing really changes the way you look. I definitely look different this time around, but that's to be expected given the 1/2 difference. For one thing, unless I've gained a lot of weight in the past week I'm 10 lbs lighter at 37 weeks than I was at 33 weeks with C and D. (It didn't hurt that between 32 weeks and 35 weeks--when I got really sick--I actually lost a pound). Otherwise I guess I'd say that I stick straight out more this time around, as opposed to being rounder last time. And finally, I'm carrying about the same height, maybe a little higher, but the drop off after the "peak" is more like a cliff than a ski slope. The bottom picture probably shows it best.

Yes, I'm Still Here

Barely.

• Two weeks ago I got really, really sick. Started out as a flu and then became a stomach virus. Add in every bad pregnancy symptom you can imagine (heartburn, acid reflux, aching, insomnia, stuffy nose) and that was me. I was miserable and worthless. One trip to the emergency room, 5 days of worthlessness, a Thanksgiving that included about 4 bites of food, and finally I saw the light of day. The only upside was that I had started to wonder if I was just experiencing the last few weeks of pregnancy. I was pretty sure I couldn't take a month of it so I was devising ways to induce labor. So even though I'm big and tired now, I feel so much better than I did that it is manageable.
• Trying to christmas shop, prepare for a kid, finish up work stuff, look for a place to live, get a christmas picture/card, enjoy the holidays with C and D, put up a tree, continue to research school options, figure out a schedule for our lives post-baby, fix the car, hire a mothers helper to get me through a few evenings a week for the next few months, show up at c/d's school for the things I signed up to do, go to doctors appointments, see friends before I explode and become a hermit for awhile, get big kids furniture for C/D, get baby gifts for other people having kids, check off things I won't be able to do for awhile post baby (dentist, haircut), potentially switch pediatricians, yada yada yada. I'm tired. Really tired.
• A's in London this week.
• I have been terrible with pictures these past two months.
• I have some older posts that I wanted to finish but I think I'll just throw all my thoughts into one post and hopefully get it up this weekend, and maybe even with a pic and video or two. Dare I dream.

Jealous

Sometimes I'm jealous--jealous of people who have one child at a time. C and D took turns being sick and as a result Andrew and I spent the last two weekends "splitting them up." One of us stayed with the sick one and the other took the well one out for play or errands.

Dealing with one kid is like being on a different planet. It is unexplainable the difference. And your bonding with them is, quite honestly, entirely different.

Andrew came home from a morning of errands with Dylan and just looked at me and said "We went to Costco, Target, Babies R Us, AND got gas, and it was FUN." He was in shock. When I had my chance it was like the sky was the limit, because I could take one kid just about ANYWHERE without an issue. And one on one each girl is so much calmer, and you only have to deal with her idiosyncracies, as opposed to when they are together they feed off each other and make everything more than twice as complicated.

Sometimes I'm jealous that we didn't get to ease into parenting like most people do. Selfishly, it makes me a little sad that dealing with twins is so much more exhausting, because my kids deserve energetic parents, but they totally wear us out most days. But most of all, I'm jealous of the 1 on 1 time that other people get when they have kids one at a time. Even when they have two, different schedules and different levels of development usually means they get some solid one on one time with each kid. We hardly ever get that, and it makes me sad to think of the bonding that I'm missing.

And yes, I know I'm about to make it even MORE difficult to have one on one time with my kids. Call me stupid (I know I do).

Is it Lonely in There?

Sometimes I want to ask Bedo this question. Is she/he bored? Lonely? Happy to have all that freakin' room? I guess the littlest monkey knows no different, but it certainly feels weird to me.

I can already feel the difference between having one baby vs. two babies (other than the 10lbs less weight I'm carrying around). As soon as I found out I was having twins my relationship went from being "me and you" to "them." I was outnumbered from the start. And I think I could just feel that instead of creating this one on one relationship with one kid it would be just as much about helping them navigate the relationship between each other. In short, I got upstaged pretty quickly, as I believe that their relationship with each other will in many ways supercede their relationship with me.

Now I've got just one monkey in there, and it is back to "me and you." It is a nice, sort of a quiet bonding I get to experience.

At the same time, I'd have to say I don't feel overly bonded to Bedo yet. I mean I worry about it, I love it, and I look forward to meeting it, but I think when you already have kids you spend so much time worrying/thinking about them that you don't have time to focus on the one in the womb until it actually arrives. You just forget how much you will love it. Well that and there are lots of days lately when I'm so worn out dealing with the two I have I think "How the hell am I going to handle another?" So maybe there is some denial. And not knowing the gender probably affects the bonding capabilities--I was in a store the other day and for the first time I REALLY wanted to buy something for Bedo but couldn't not knowing the gender. And this may sound weird, but I miss being able to compare movements in the womb. With C and D I could get a sense of their personalities. C was always moving, always ready to play if I pushed her around. D was much quieter, but occasionally she'd decide she wasn't happy with something and she'd kick the sh*t out of my bladder (and her sister's head). With Bedo all I can say is that she/he really likes to push my belly button out as far as it can go (and if you've seen my awful outtie, you know that is pretty far).

At any rate, look for lots of gushing posts when the baby comes out and I realize "Holy sh*t, I now have this new baby that I ALSO adore!"

Breakable Baby

...and other comments.

• C and D were talking about what they would do with the new baby. They said they would hold it and I said "You can hold it but you have to be VERY careful. Babies are very delicate." After a pause, D asks:"Is the baby made of glass?"
• Me (after D did yet another thing she knew she shouldn't): "Dylan, why do you do something that you know you're not supposed to do?" (I know, dumb question). D's answer: "I'm just experimenting."
• C and D like to flip through magazines, ask me if I need something (a new kitchen, blue shoes, a new car) and then proceed to "order it online." C apparently saw a picture of a man in a magazine. C: "Mommy, do you need a new Daddy?"
• C, after seeing a friend's nursery for a baby on the way: "Mommy, where is our baby going to sleep?" Really good question. Who freakin' knows.
• C, ready and willing to share all with the world, as we are driving: "Was that my bum talking???? Yes Charlotte!"
• Me, after a VERY loud noise came out of D's bum (children have definitely gotten me over some of my major 'bathroom humor issues'): "Was that you passing gas? Was your bum talking?" D: "Yes." Me: "What did it say?" D: "Buon giorn'ono" (her version of "Hello" in Italian)
• C: "We don't want Bedo to come today because then Daddy would miss the mask wearing." Andrew was out of town, and the "mask wearing" refers to pics of Andrew all decked out in scrubs before walking into the operating room for c/d's birth.
• D: "I want to read "American Express."" (The Polar Express, as interpreted by a child who might understand way too much about credit cards already).

Get Back in Your Shell Young Lady

Dylan has "come out of her shell" so to speak. And it turns out a devil was lurking inside.

I have noticed that since school has started D has gone through a bit of transformation. Where as before I would say that C talked a lot more than D, and C was generally 'ahead' of D in a lot of areas, including socially, now I'd say that it just depends on the day. Mikie and Lindsay (my brother and his girlfriend) came to visit a few weeks ago and the first thing they said afterwards was "Last time C did all the talking. This time D never STOPPED talking."

I think school has given D a lot more confidence in herself. It has also apparently given her many new 'ideas' because she seems to be a big fan of doing anything that she knows she probably shouldn't....all with a big grin.

LJ said it best when she once said "C's smile is angelic. D's smile says "I might do something bad..." Lately it feels like I just sit there and wait to see what mischievous idea she's going to come up with next. God help us.

Lost Evening

Today was a tough day. No real reason, just that I'm tired from being pregnant and Andrew's been gone most of the week and will be gone through the weekend. And C/D are starting to ignore me, defy me, wrestle with each other, and basically act like almost three year olds. So we had a bath and bedtime that involved me losing my patience and them going to sleep unhappy.

And then, after they went to bed, I was cleaning up and decided to clear out most of their Halloween bags. And as I was going through it I could see them as they so carefully picked out each piece of candy at each house, more interested in the selection process than the actual candy. I could see the happiness on their faces as they strolled around in their costumes, and the fear that started to appear as the 'bigger kids' (ie. 6 year olds) started to crowd them out. And I knew that it was a moment in time I'd never get back, because I'm sure that next year Halloween will be a completely difference experience for them. The candy will become a bigger deal, and each year having Mom and Dad around will become less important to them.

And I felt like such a crappy mom and I wanted to cry, because I realized that I'd just lost the evening with them. A night I wouldn't get back. Because they are growing up, and as tiring as they can be, they are at the most fabulous age. And I just wished I could remember that more before I got tired and frustrated and just wanted them in bed asleep.

Blue Bubble

I live in a royal blue bubble. With the exception of my years in Texas (and Austin almost doesn't count) that Blue Bubble has pretty much followed me all my life. Even HBS, which is about as red as that institution will ever get, had enough blue in it to keep my Bubble intact.

Sometimes that Blue Bubble is a bad thing---I start losing touch with most people's reality. I'm actually surprised by things like Prop 8 passing. Or I don't realize that my three favorite tv shows--in fact almost my only tv shows at this point--Mad Men, 30 Rock, and the Daily Show--are watched by almost no one. Or I start becoming 'intolerant of intolerance.'

But since November 4th I have loved my little Blue Bubble. Everywhere you go it seems people are a little happier, a little more optimistic, a little prouder. Right now the Blue Bubble is the place to be, and so I will enjoy it, and at the same time I'll hope that it isn't just those of us in my Blue Bubble who feel this way.

I'm so glad that I took C and D to vote because it left a big impression on them. They keep saying "Obama won because I waited in line to vote." They see him on the cover of magazines and newspapers and always point him out, as if they have a connection to him. And I don't think it really sunk in for me until after he won how amazing it is that Barack Obama is the first person my kids will know as 'President.' Hundreds of years of white guys with really white guy names and my girls have the honor of getting to know the Obamas as their "first" First Family. It makes me so hopeful for all the possibilities in their futures.

To a Brighter Future...

Eight years ago on election night I jumped on a plane to move to Paris. I left to an announcement that Bush was our president. I landed with an announcement that no one knew who won.

In the past eight years I'd like to think my life has gotten better and better. As for our country...well, you know the story.

Today my kick ass little girls got a crash course in citizenship as they waited over an hour with me to vote. They were a little disappointed that Obama wasn't actually in the polling booth, but they were incredibly well behaved.

Andrew came in as I was reading to C/D and said "Hey ladies, Obama is our new president!"

(Then we laughed and said "We hope you'll like public school!" : ))

A Giraffe and a Mermaid walk into a room...

Here are pics from our Halloween run of '08. D was a giraffe and C a mermaid. We went to a few parties at friends houses and trick or treated at stores and on a street near our house. C and D definitely "got it" this year, although they enjoyed choosing the candy more than eating it (with the exception of the lollipops they had basically forgotten about the candy by the nexy morning.

A few other notable activities:

We made our first annual "Gram/KC pumpkin brownie" as C and D called it because Gram and KC used to make it with their kids. I want credit for this! Andrew gave C/D a CHOICE of what they wanted carved on their pumpkins (I was thinking two eyes, a nose, maybe a mouth) and they picked freakin' spider webs! I did the one on the left (isn't it the better one!) and it took HOURS.

Here are a bunch of pics. We would have had more except Andrew dropped my camera and broke the lens right as we were headed out to trick or treat (just so glad it wasn't me).

Results

We got the results from their developmental follow up.

D and C were both 32 months and 20 days at time of testing.

D:
Cognitive skills: >42 months
Receptive language: >42 months

Expressive language: >42 months

Fine Motor skills: 32 months

Gross motor skills: 31 months

C:
Cognitive skills: >42 months
Receptive language: >42 months
Expressive language: >42 months
Fine Motor skills: 40-42 months
Gross motor skills: 31 months

These are not hard core IQ or athletic capability tests. What this basically means is that they show no cognitive delays and some motor skill delays. What surprises me here is that C scored so much higher than D on fine motor skills but right about the same on gross motor skills. I have always seen her as more advanced than D on gross motor skills. At the same time, I didn't notice such a big discrepancy on fine motor skills. That being said, they were tested by two different people and it can be subjective.

But given that C and D in theory should be on par w/ their fine motor skills, it definitely means we need to focus on helping D more with fine motor development. Unfortunately, I find this harder than gross. With gross, we're doing a lot of what they already suggest (swimming, gymnastics) and D and C are such big climbers that all you really have to do is take them to a park and let them go. Fine motor skills are a bit fuzzier for me, but I guess I better start learning more in order to help D "catch up" so to speak. You know, so she can become as good of an artist as her mother (ha ha ha).

But in general, a great report.

.....Of course, then i came across these articles and I guess I will always worry because D was VLBW (very low birthweight). That being said, she needed no oxygen/ventilation, never had surgeries, etc, which seems to lower some of her risks. And I don't know if these kids who show a decrease in IQ previously showed some risks for developmental delays. But I'll probably always worry.

"At any rate, the research indicates that the effects of brain damage/abnormality in preemies (about 100% in preemies born below 26 weeks)either causes psychiatric problems to worsen or first become apparent in adolescence. Term-born control groups are used in these studies so it is almost certainly prematurity-related brain abnormalities that cause the problems. Other studies have shown a decrease in IQ between ages 8 and 15, and a very large decrease in the percentage of children considered to be normal (this among VLBW preemies). From a personal perspective, our son's CP was not diagnosed officially until he was 8. His autism and retardation was not diagnosed (officially) until he was in his late teens. I know from the other preemie lists that this is a common phenomenon."

Also: "Premature birth can have devastating effects on brain development and long-term functional outcome. Rates of psychiatric illness and learning difficulties are high, and intelligence on average is lower than population means. Brain imaging studies of infants born prematurely have demonstrated reduced volumes of parietal and sensorimotor cortical gray matter regions. Studies of school-aged children have demonstrated reduced volumes of these same regions, as well as in temporal and premotor regions, in both gray and white matter. The degrees of these anatomical abnormalities have been shown to correlate with cognitive outcome and with the degree of fetal immaturity at birth."

Sisterhood

Awhile ago I heard my friend Krista say to her older daughter when she was relaying a misstep of her younger sister "Don't tattle on your sister. Sisters take care of each other." It left a mark on me because I think teaching your children to look after each other is so critical but also really difficult to do. One of my biggest fears when I found out that I was going to have twin girls was that they might not get along and I knew how tough that would be--for them and for me. Well...


.....C and D lied to me for the first time today (at least as far as I know). And they did it to protect each other.

We have been dealing with some hitting and biting issues lately. We finally said that if they hit or bit each other again we'd take their coveted animals away for a night (btw, bad call in the end, but that is another story). Today I heard screaming and ran in to see C crying and saying "D bit me!" I asked D if she bit her sister and she said yes. So I said, "You know what that means--you lose your animals for the night."

C starts wailing even harder: "Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dylan needs to sleep with her animals!! Or she will be so sad!!" Then: "It was an accident!!!"

She vehemently argued that it was an accident and thus Dylan shouldn't lose her animals. D jumped on the bandwagon. I reluctantly acquiesced.

Andrew worries that we are screwed in high school. But I don't think they will willingly 'cover' for each other if one of them is off doing crack. Going to a keg party, maybe. But nothing too evil. Personally, I'd much rather have them looking out for each other than looking to 'out' each other.

This Makes Me Cry

We have a book called the "Feelings Book" by Todd Parr. One of the pages is a picture of a boy crying because he dropped his ice cream cone on the ground. The caption is "Sometimes I feel like crying."

D always points at it and says "He's crying because he doesn't have a sister to share with him."

The Princess Problem

This past weekend we went to a Halloween party at the Children's Museum. A little overwhelming but fun. What bothered me most is that it felt like 90% of the little girls there were dressed like princesses, or butterflies, fairies, and mermaids that resembled princesses. It was disturbing.

I don't believe that ALL little girls think the same. So what is happening that makes them all wear the same costume? I have to believe that we--parents, society, corporations, teachers--are doing something that is A) depriving them of creativity, and B) pushing them towards this taffeta abyss. I mean it never ceases to amaze me how many people ask C if she is going to be "Ariel" when she says she is going to be a mermaid. She looks at them blankly. She has no clue who Ariel is (well, other than the name of one of her preschool teachers). Why would you assume that a 2.5 year old has seen a feature film? Why would you want to push that commercialization on her? Let her create her own mermaid--a girl who swims in the sea with fins. (For that matter, aren't most of those princess/fairy tales kinda creepy? I mean a chick who hangs out with dwarves and spends most of the story laying there pathetically waiting for a man to save her? Please). (And why do people think it is a compliment to refer to a little girl as a 'princess?' Personally, I think of the term as derogatory.)

I realize there is a 'nature' argument here. I have a little girl who loves mermaids, yet she's never seen one on tv and we don't have any books about them. We're not even sure where she picked it up. She calls everything a 'mermaid' (including the Cinderella on one of her bedtime pullups, who she says is a mermaid named "Sameer"--seriously). She loves mermaids and her sister adores giraffes, and they have basically been exposed to all the same things. And I know that gender associations become strong at 3/4 and I realize 'girliness' is a component of that. So I realize some of this is human nature/a phase. But still, I have to believe that there is blame to be placed somewhere for its proliferation in our society--be it parents, Disney, etc.

I have to figure out how to hold the "princesses" at bay for as long as possible. Right now they don't really care. The one time they asked me what a princess does I said "Nothing. They do NOTHING. That is why they are so silly." (Ballerinas dance, and at least mermaids freakin' swim!) Yeah, we'll see how long that works. Hah.

TMI?

I have taken the girls to my last two doctor appointments. (Doctors appointments for low-risk pregnancies are so nice and uneventful. Even my doctor jokes that this time around I must wonder why I bother coming in to see her). Anyway, you might have to be a mother to understand the connection to this story:

Today C and D were eating chocolate soy pops for dessert. C finishes her popsicle, takes the stick, puts it between her legs, and grins at me.

Me: "What are you doing?"
C: "I'm peeing on a stick."

Some of the feedback I've gotten about D/C at school is that they are "laugh out loud funny." I'm starting to wonder what lovely examples I have in store for me at parent/teacher conferences.

Dear Santa

Forget writing letters. D and C are digital age kids, so when they want to talk to the man, they just pick up the phone (or in this case, remote control).

C's conversation: "Hi Santa, it's Charlotte. How are you today? Yes, um, I just want to tell you, when you bring presents, don't come inside the door. Ok? Thank you."

D's conversation: "Hi Santa, how are you today? Please don't come inside the front door....and don't carry me! Ok, thank you. Bye!"

Guess we'll be leaving cookies, milk and carrots on our front doorstep because the fat man is DEFINITELY not welcome inside. Personally, I think it is a good sign. They'll have a happy father if they always treat courting men like that--"Yeah, you can bring me presents, but leave them by the door. I don't want you in my house. And by the way, don't touch me."

Even SHE Knows it

The other day I was finishing up brownies that D, C and I made for Andrew (from scratch!)

My Mom was there and she says to D and C, "Your mother is a great cook." (Total BS, but you gotta love a supportive mother).

C actually makes a noise that sounds like a snort or a guffaw and says (in a voice that sounds JUST like the way I would say it) "But she's not a good breakfast cook."

I laugh out loud in spite of myself and ask her, "Why is that?"

C: "You burn my toast."

Arrival of the "Jet Girls"

C, A, and D

C
D with her airplane shirt on

Fleet Week is upon us.... one of the best weekends of the year here!! Maybe you have to like jets, the military, and Top Gun to enjoy it. Andrew and I like it all. We love the sound of the planes flying overhead. We love taking C/D to see the Blue Angels fly. We love that it is consistently spectacular weather on this weekend (apparently they have Fleet Week this weekend because it is historically the sunniest weekend of the year--and it hasn't failed us yet).

The girls call them the "jet girls" because we see a jet that flies over Tehama when we swim there, and we talk a lot about the "jet girl" flying in it and what she is doing. They get a little scared of the noise at times, especially when they can't see them but only hear them (my favorite part of the weekend is actually the Thursday and Friday before, when they are out practicing and all of a sudden this jet cruises right over your head as you are walking to the park). But the really enjoyed the shows both days. And on Sunday morning Andrew took them to the kids area where they practically had 8 bouncy houses and 5 bouncy slides and more all to themselves. They were in HEAVEN.

Krista made the very good point that it is a terrible waste of energy and terrible for the environment (basically negates all our hard work to use less energy in one weekend). Really good point. Problem is that my selfish thought is "I live in one the most expensive cities in the world (not to mention one of the most eco-friendly). I freakin' deserve a weekend of basically free fun like this." Totally wrong of me, but definitely what I thought.

We have managed to take a family photo every year since C/D were born. I almost didn't post these because I look so freakin' bad in the one this year (fat, pale, etc). But I figure it will give me something to shoot for next year--to look better.

2006 D in my arms

2007 C in my arms

2008--C in A's arms. The plane yous see in the back is the one that flies right before the Blue Angels to check everything out.

Developmental Check In

We had our third developmental assessment today. The last one for C. D qualifies for one more in about a year and a half (she qualifies by 6 grams based on her birthweight). We'll get the full results later (and yes, i'll probably post because I have no confidence that I'll keep the papers for posterity but I plan to keep this thing).

The short answer is that they did great. They saw the neurosurgeon first. He's definitely the weakest link. He's old and tells the same stories about himself ("I didn't walk until 18 months and look at me" yada yad yada) every time, gives the girls simple tests for about 2 minutes, and then makes these broad assessments. The winner comment from this visit was: "She (D) may be petite, but she won't be of the 'little people' genre." (Seriously buddy?)

Then they saw a nurse practitioner. Physically they are doing very well. They still have the heart murmurs and I have to get them checked out again this year to confirm that they are innocent. D is 25lbs and 35 inches tall, C is 28lbs and 36.25 inches tall. That puts them at the 50th percentile in both areas for preemies. On a standard chart it puts D in the 10-25th percentile in height and 5th in weight, and C in the 25-50th percentile in height and 10th in weight.

Finally they had their Bailey tests, which test cognitive skills, verbal skills, and fine motor skills. A took C, and though he didn't get specifics, he said "she crushed it." D tested very well on her cognitive and verbal skills. Her fine motor skills are just about at her actual age which is not bad, and her gross motor skills are a little behind her actual age. One of the things the therapist said was that we should watch out for her "compensating for any fine motor skills deficiencies by using her cognitive skills." A good example---she gave D a scissors and asked her to cut a piece of paper in half. D started to cut but found it too difficult to cut all the way through. So she took her hands out of the scissors, picked up the paper, finished ripping it in half, and handed it over to the therapist. I couldn't help but smile.

These assessments are both reassuring and upsetting to me. For the most part I am so grateful --to God, everyone who took care of them, my doctor, and the girls themselves--that they are doing so well and show very few signs of any long term issues from their in utero experience and prematurity. I KNOW how much worse things could be and I am so grateful that my monkies are ok. But there is a little part of me that can't help but think "what if?" What if D didn't get less 'food' in utero? Would she be bigger? Stronger? Different? The neurologist there said he was a preemie, and originally wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but then realized he didn't have the fine motor skill dexterity for it, and he thinks it relates back to some fine motor skill delays based on prematurity. (then again, the neurosurgeon likes to talk). Still, will either of them run into a roadblock based on their prematurity someday?

It is also weird to hear C being referred to as the "control twin." Meaning she was about the appropriate size for her gestational age while D was SGA ("small for gestational age"). D will likely always be smaller than C as a result of the nourishment she didn't get inside me (and maybe mild TTTS). The question is, how much smaller? It is frustrating because in this situation, comparisons between the two have to be made and I hate it.

I try to remember that we are the sum of our experiences. D has always had to work harder at things, and as a result she is very focused and determined. One of the projects she had in the Bailey test was to loop a shoelace through a series of holes. She spent 5 minutes on it, patiently working until she got it right. The OT said most kids (including C) give up quickly if they can't figure it out. D's a fighter, and maybe having to work a little harder to compensate for any shortfalls will serve her better in the long run. Somewhere in me I imagine a feature on ESPN or CNN that begins "She was born 2 months early weighing 3lbs, 4oz......"

Here's D, wearing the glasses from her doctors kit and the googley eye glasses she got at her first trip to the dentist.

And here's C in the house I gave them as a 'big girl gift' on their first day of school.

The Best Month

C=L

C=L
C=L
D with me
D
I love October. This Sunday we drove up to a farm in Marin to get pumpkins. It turned out to be a MUCH better call than our trek to Half Moon Bay to what turned out to be Commmercialization Station for Halloween. While they didn't have the pumpkins on the vine as I thought they would, it was a very pretty farm complete with animals, a vegetable garden, a gopher in the ground, and of course, the obligatory bounce house/slide. D, for someone who is scared of gnats, is a powerhouse on the slide and in the bounce house. She shows no fear even though she is inevitably the smallest one there. She runs up, lays on her back, and slides down head first! C of course mimics her and they have a great time (even when D body slammed C midway down the slide). We got several large pumpkins and a few small ones before taking the very pretty drive back home. All in all, a great weekend morning.

In other October news, I think we've landed on some costume decisions. (At least I really hope, because the costumes were on sale and are non-returnable!!) D is going to be a giraffe. We got it in the mail tonight and she has not taken the costume off except to let her sister wear it. C is going to be a mermaid. I found a costume that was slightly less json benet than the other ones i've seen, and my mom is going to work on it to make it fit her (had to buy a bigger size) and make it look a little less tarty. I have to say, Halloween gets sluttier every year. Butterflies should be butterflies, not "princesses" with wings. 2 year olds should not be wearing sequin bras as part of their mermaid costumes.

Future Double Wide Owners?

Their choice of outfits to go out and play "golf" in our rather pathetic backyard. And no, D didn't think she needed pants.

And here's a video of their 'golfing.' Their favorite golfer is Sergio Garcia, in case you were wondering.

The Problem with Twins

The problem with twins is that while you want them to be individuals and have their own talents, you also never want one of them to feel bad because the other is ahead of her/better than her at something. So when you hear something good about one, you both celebrate it and worry about its effect on the other one. Or at least I do.

The other day at swimming they said that C was about ready to receive a 'green ribbon.' I'm not completely sure, but I think it means you can hold your breath and kick underwater. Of course I was excited for C, but at the same time I cringed, thinking "What about D? How will she feel when her sister gets it and she doesn't?"

Andrew's take was "Well that is going to happen a lot." He's right. And my guess is that D may not even care. She'll be happy for C, and then C will be happy for her when she gets it. So far they are so sweet and wonderful that way. But with D's physical delays I worry that it will always be C first. Regardless, I'm going to need to learn how to celebrate one's achievements w/o making the other feel bad. I'm so worried that I'll screw this kind of thing up (and if I do, I KNOW they will remember and it will haunt me forever).

A Good Shampooing

Last weekend we had the pleasure of escaping to Carmel for a brief respite with the Dholakia family. We see so little of them most of the time (when you have kids a 45 minute commute between homes is kind of a big deterrent) that it was great to see Sonia and just hang out for a few days. C and D really like to hang out with Sonia and have talked about her a ton since. And when asked for a baby name, their three favorite suggestions are Sameer, LJ, or Satchmo (Cousin Serena's dog's name).

While there we went to the beach, and for some reason it degenerated into a "put sand on Mommy" event. Even the girls clearly realize I don't wash my hair enough these days : ). (thanks to LJ for taking pics and video).

So Long Second Trimester

I am now officially in the third trimester. Yikes! This for me is the scariest time in pregnancy-- 24-28 weeks. When your baby would probably survive, but not without potentially major complications. So while I'm in no hurry for Bedo to show up, I will also breathe a sigh of relief when we get to 30, and really 32, weeks.

It was nice to have a second trimester though. I feel like I didn't get one last time. Last time I got big much faster and I found out how risky the pregnancy was at 13 weeks, which shot to hell any plans of a 'honeymoon' period. This time I felt fine, had energy, hardly had any doctors appointments, and stayed pretty small until at least midway through the second trimester.

Other than more weight gain than I would like (19 lbs as of yesterday...damn it) I feel good. Bedo is very active now--not the same kind of activity you get with two in there, but definitely active.

Down for the Count

When Andrew gets sick, he gets SICK. And with the way he's been running/flying around these days, it was only a matter of time. Three days into a very high fever, and he's laying on the couch instead of flying to the east coast today. He's miserable. He went to a "doctor" (and I say it with parentheses because about 10 minutes ago he looked her up and now we think she is only a physicians assistant). Other than a 102/103 fever he shows no other symptoms, and somehow my husband--the non-crunchiest Bay Area resident I know--has found the crunchiest physicians assistant in the area. For the second time he's seen her she's basically told him to "go home and rest." Yeah right. Overmedication, shmovermedication. I miss my Austin doctor--the guy would prescribe a Zpak for you over the phone. No questions asked. Some things are just better in Texas.

Oh, San Francisco

San Francisco has a number of "street fairs" that can only be found here. Driving through them is always interesting. Driving through them with your daughters can be a little more difficult.

Andrew was driving C/D back from Carmel to meet me at their school picnic on Sunday and, going through downtown, he hears C say "Daddy, that man's not wearing any underwear." He turns his head and realizes he's driving past a 'street fair.' The man in question was wearing bumless leather chaps, and not much else. Here's to diversity!! (editor's note: I (AD) had to remove Molly's link to the Folsom Street fair. After following the link, let's just say it was not family appropriate.)

Baby in the Belly

A few days ago we told C and D that I have a baby in my belly (it was getting a little obvious). They were actually VERY excited. They started talking about all the things that they could teach the baby (they refer to it as "he" but tell me that it will be a "sister.") They kissed the 'baby' and hugged the 'baby' and patted my tummy (very hard I might add).

C also asked A if he had a baby in his belly? He said no, that boys don't have babies in their bellies, just girls. She reassured him "Someday when you be a girl you can have a baby in your belly too Daddy."

Yesterday she also asked me "Is the baby excited to meet ME?" And of course I said the baby just couldn't wait....which is true. She/he is going to be very lucky to have two big sisters like D and C.

The Name Game

So I found this baby name site and decided to submit a question. And she answered!

I especially like how she says that Charlotte and Dylan are a "very interesting pair" which translates nicely to "what the hell were they thinking?!" But I love 'em so guess that is what matters.

Here is her answer with suggestions. Click on the site to see reader comments. Do you like any of them???

Reader Question - Name for Baby #3?

September 17th, 2008

A reader named Molly recently asked me for a few name suggestions:

I have identical twin girls named Charlotte Maiden and Dylan Rose. I am expecting another. I need a boy or a girl name that fits with these names but isn’t too much like them (ie. I don’t want Sadie, Charlotte and Dylan because then Dylan would be too much of an odd woman out). I also don’t want any names ending in -en, -in, -an, etc. because they are just getting too popular. Finally, I’d prefer the names not start w/ a C or a D. Appreciate the help!!

Charlotte and Dylan make a very interesting pair, I think. The former is decidedly feminine and has been popular in Europe (and elsewhere) for centuries; the latter is traditionally masculine and has been popular in the U.S. only since the 1960s (thanks to folksinger Bob).

Here are some names that might work with both of them…

Girls			Boys
Alexis Astrid Avery Bailey Beatrice Brooke Ellery Georgia Gwyneth Ingrid Laurel Meredith Matilda	Margot Maeve Piper Paige Philippa Phoebe Ramona Reese Riley Shelby Skylar Sydney Willow		Adam Asher Anthony Alec Bennett Bryce Brady Blake Edgar Eli Everett Frederick Gareth	Garrett Graham Henry Hugh Jonas Leo Lucas Maxwell Micah Roderick Raymond Spencer Wesley

Do you think any of these names sound particularly good with Charlotte and Dylan? What others would you suggest?

Legally Brunette??

While we were in Hawaii my Mom took C and D to a toy store to pick out toys for their new cousin Charlie (who arrived the day we left for vacation...good planning molly). She let them each pick out a toy.

D picked out a doctor's kit. She loves to run up to me with her kit in hand and say "Mommy I need to fix you." She then gives me a check up, complete with LOTS of shots, during which I yelp in pain and she screams with delight.

C picked out a pink Hello Kitty ATM machine. She spends her time asking "Mommy, can I have some money?" so she can put it in, press a bunch of buttons, and then get it out again.

Sparkles, Fish Shirts, and Twirl Skirts

.

I know one thing I will appreciate with Bedo---the time when I can dress her/him however I want. Because that ship has DEFINITELY sailed with the monkeys.

C and (especially) D have very strong opinions about what they want to wear, and in D's case that usually translates to "not very cute."

D likes every random t-shirt she's every received, especially if it is blue, brown, or black. I got these not very cute blue shirts from their swim school for free. Every morning she wakes up and asks "Can I wear my fish shirt?" I tell her it is dirty. Then she asks, "Can I wear Charlotte's fish shirt?" The only thing she likes more than the fish shirt is the Cal Berkeley shirts she's gotten from Uncle Todd and Papa. "Can I wear my Oskie shirt?" It's like she's purposefully taunting me, but I am not going to bother buying her a Stanford shirt in the hopes of competing--why would any kid want to wear a shirt with a tree on it when she can wear a shirt with a bear on it? Other favs are the black butterfly shirt and and the blue airplane shirt. Basically she likes tshirts, and then god knows what else she decides she wants to wear with it that day.

D will also wear anything 'giraffe'--her assortment now includes a giraffe dress, swimsuit, and shorts (that she found on a clearance rack while we were buying a gift at Janie and Jack--she'd stripped down to her Thomas underwear trying to put them on before I even knew what was happening).

The one thing D likes that I might be able to work with is "twirl skirts." She likes to spin around and watch the skirt fly up. Unfortunately, we only have one skirt that qualifies for that right now. Maybe Santa will find some more for her. (Not that she will want them if it comes from him. They hate Santa. I say "Santa's nice" and D says "No he's not. He tried to carry me." God help the person who tries to carry D when she doesn't want it).

C likes anything pink and anything that sparkles. I gave her new barrettes for school and the first thing she said when she saw them was (forlornly) "But Mommy, they don't sparkle." If it is pink she is in. They have new shoes from MaeMae and D's sparkles and C's don't, and we'll walk to the park and she'll keep saying sadly "My shoes don't sparkle in the sun." She loves her sparkle #2 shirt and can't wait to wear a sparkle #3. She also likes anything with mermaids on it, especially 'mermaids with mouths' (I have no idea what the distinction references). And she likes anything with a C for Charlotte on it.

They both like things with "stuff" on them. I have generally given up buying things that don't have something on it...as in hearts, flowers, fish, monkeys, mermaids, etc. Stripes are generally a no go with them. Polka dots occasionally get the nod. Anything seasonal is a hit (thankfully because I'm a little Halloween obsessed).

I realize I'm rambling about this and I'm probably the only one who cares, but if you knew the amount of time that seems to go into the dressing process you might be more sympathetic. (And I'm pretty convinced that they egg each other on too). At this point I've started to give up and let them wear what they want, and I don't buy anything that can't be returned. I just have to get over the feeling sometimes that people who see them must think I like C better because she generally looks much more coordinated/cuter than D. Then again, D is so happy strutting around in her apparel of choice that maybe that's all people see : ).

Here they are on a rare occasion when they actually put on what I wanted them to wear! Just in time to get frozen yogurt all over themselves during a 'special treat' with Daddy! (C in pink of course, D in green).

Escape

Andrew and I escaped to Hawaii for a few nights. Free flights and hotels points are a small perk of Andrew's constant travel. The non drinking/being fat definitely puts a bit of a damper on any vacation, but being able to just relax and hang out with each other was so fantastic. It was like the calm before the storm (Andrew kept asking "Can we still leave the kids with your mom and chris when there are 3 of them?!") Here are a few pics (I'm 24 weeks in these pics).

Fatigue

Little C and D are being worn out by school and I don't know what to do about it. And I'm wracked by insomnia this pregnancy. I keep getting up between 3 and 4 am and not getting back to sleep. Brutal. We are a tired, cranky, crew. Boo hoo.

Seriously?

I'm in Old Navy buying some maternity stuff for our trip. The woman at the counter squeals, reaches across the counter, and starts fingering my belly button!

"Oh my God it is so big and it sticks out so far!!!"

Me: "Yeah, um, it's always been an outtie." (STOP TOUCHING ME!)

Still flipping my belly button back and forth with her finger: "Oohh! I bet the baby will have a big belly button too!!!"

SERIOUSLY???????

Yes, THAT's My Husband

Is it weird that I get a tiny thrill from introducing people to Andrew at places like preschool? First, I just like when he can actually be there to introduce (I've had to go to several preschool "family" events by myself which sucks). But aside from the obvious reasons you are proud to introduce your spouse, he's always the young hotty in the room! Maybe because I'm old, maybe because I'm fat and pregnant, maybe because we are on #3 and they rightfully assume no 31 year old in his right mind would let that happen, maybe because we have twins and people assume IVF, and definitely because we live in SF, but I know the assumption is that I'm going to have a much older better half. And in walks this youngin' (w/ a smile like his daughter Dylan). Once I get over myself--as in, I'm thinking "Do I really look that old? Couldn't I be 31 too?" Ha ha--I have to admit, I quite enjoy it.

I wonder if someday C/D will feel that way. As in "Meet my Dad. He's a DILF." : )

3 sessions of school in....

and we have our first illness : ). C got a fever last night. And I think I'm secretly happy because it gives me an excuse to keep them home from school and let them sleep instead.

Things have been going ok with school, but the sleep issue has been brutal. I feel like a bit of a spaz for being so stressed about this, but if you saw how out of control tired they are after school you might sympathize a little more. They behave well at school, come home, and completely meltdown. It is like they have no control over their behavior. They randomly bite each other, grab each other, cry, throw tantrums, and generally lose their minds. It is hard to get mad at them because they are so out of their minds exhausted. And I feel bad because it is just me trying to soothe them both (even when Andrew is in town there's no way he can be home before 6:30ish). The other mothers seem more relaxed than me, which I chalk up to A) they are cooler, better mothers than me, B) many of them have kids who have already dropped naps, and/or C) they don't have twins.

I keep wondering if I made a mistake, though I do really like the school. But I do feel so terribly guilty for sending them to a new and sometimes scary place when they really want to be sleeping. (They are still crying when I leave them, which sucks. I really don't think they would if they were not tired). Hopefully they will adjust eventually (withOUT dropping naps completely)....

How to Ruin your Fantasy Football Season

Make Tom Brady your #1 pick. Watch him tear his ACL about 6 plays into the first game of the season. Whine like your 2.5 year old twins do on occasion.

All Growed Up

My little girls had their first day of school today. I kinda of can't believe it. I have to admit, I've been stressed about it. I am stressed mostly because they are in a 3 day a week afternoon program, which means I have to send them to school tired AND they are going to get all screwed up on their sleep. AND I worry about them dropping the daily nap that they (and I) desperately need them to take. So not ideal (and it just makes me a little bitter that I live in a city where I can't just get them in a good morning program).

They took their giraffe and elephant backpacks filled with their plastic monkeys, "Thomas the Train owie (one of those things for cold packs but they just like to carry around), picture books that I made for them so they could look at pics of themselves and their families, and for a special treat, lion, giraffe, bunny, and lion. (I thought about putting them in hairclips w/ C and D but ordered a little too late. Luckily they had name tags.)

C and D did about what I expected them to do. They cried and held on to me (Andrew came but had to leave before I did) and wrapped their legs around me when I tried to put them down. It was pretty brutal. But I hugged and kissed them goodbye and then walked out, trying hard not to cry myself. Two minutes later I couldn't hear them crying. They were pretty excited to see me at the end of the day, but they did seem to have a good time. (And they were sitting RIGHT next to each other when I returned. Very sweet). So hopefully we made the right decision to send them to an afternoon program.

I am glad they are starting off on this new phase in life, but I'm crushed too. Although some days are tough, these days and years seem to be moving way too fast. Please stop growing up monkeys.

P.S. Sadly, this might be the only picture taken of me during this pregnancy. I keep asking A to take a mid-pregnancy pic but no luck yet (Andrew, is it still passive aggressive if I've already asked you directly several times?!? :))