Tom Brady

One of the things I struggle with as I age is the feeling that being a girl sucks. I NEVER used to feel this way, in fact I remember as a kid wondering why anyone would EVER want to be a boy, because in my view girls could do all the things boys could do, but they could also do fun things like wear cool clothes. I remember in fifth grade when we had a field trip--an overnight to Fort Point--and my teacher made this big deal that I was the first girl she had ever made drill sergeant (the "leader" of the trip basically). I distinctly remember wondering why she had EVER picked boys to be drill sergeants, when to me they always seemed incompetent compared to the girls.

Anyway, in the past 10 years the pendulum has swung for me...I am sure it has to do w/ the choices we have to make as women between career and family. It may also be that it bothers me that my girls will go to a baseball game and not be able to think "someday I could do that" which is a legitimately crappy thing about being a girl. That being said, I'm pretty I'm using the "it sucks to be a girl" as an excuse sometimes--there are plenty of women out there kicking ass and taking names, and the fact that I'm kicking toys and taking stickers instead is a choice I've made that, while not divorced from the gender issue, is certainly not determined by it.

Case in point: whenever I watch Tom Brady I get a little angry. Angry that I'm not a boy, because somehow my reasoning is that if I were a boy I would be Tom Brady. (And who the hell wouldn't want to be Tom Brady?) Tonight I mentioned this to Andrew. His response? "Well you're not exactly Giselle now."

Good point.

And god bless us every one...

My favorite memories from this Christmas season:

• Going to the same store in the East Bay where my mother got us our stocking stuffers when we were kids, and realizing that I was now playing Santa for my children.
  
• Taking C and Do to see the Christmas tree in Union Square and the Macy's windows, and remembering doing the same thing with my dad.


• C, as we strolled down the main shopping street near our apartment, pointing out every Christmas tree in every store and saying "ANOTHER Kissmas Tree"


• My disastrous attempt to make a gingerbread house with C/D. They kept saying "Kaboom" and "Mommy messed up" when the house I was trying to glue together kept imploding on itself.
  
• Taking C and D to see Santa. They were SO excited to see him, until we tried to put them on his lap. You saw the video. Afterwards they kept saying "Accident" like "We know you didn't MEAN to do that to us" and "Little scared" when anyone asked them if they met Santa.


• The three margaritas I had while Andrew and I 'played' Santa on Christmas Eve, setting up the kitchen, wrapping stockings, etc.


• C talking quite loudly in church. At least she endeared herself to the crowd by yelling "Baby Jesus, where are you???" many times over. (I told her we were going to celebrate Baby Jesus' birthday and she must have wondered why he didn't bother to show up). She also danced to all the music and said "Bye bye music" at the conclusion of each song.


• D's face when she stopped examining the half eaten cookies left for Santa long enough to look up at the stockings. She got this look of awe and whispered "Elmo" when she saw the Elmos sticking out of their stockings. If my life flashes in front of my eyes someday, I want that to be one of the images.


• The look on their faces when we opened the dining room doors to reveal the kitchen Gram and Sam had bought them. Pure determination (as in "How quickly can I start playing"). I don't think D spoke for 30 minutes she was so busy shuffling pots and pans and wooden food from one drawer to another.


• D, when she pulled a little ball out of her stocking, saying "shoot hoops" and running over to throw it in the basketball hoop (in our front hall, yes, our FRONT HALL).


• The look on their faces when they saw the Kettler tricycles my wonderful, sweet, and alzheimers suffering Gumma 'bought' them. Remembering what a huge part of Christmas Gumma was for me growing up.


• Hanging out with my FAMILY, and realizing I now had a FAMILY of four. Patting myself on the back for getting Andrew to marry me. Marveling at how funny and silly my little monkeys are becoming.

And all I want for my birthday is a post from ACD. :

Here are some pics of Christmas and our current trip in Utah. Videos and more on Utah to come. (note: I'm way behind on posts and I know I do a weird post delay thing. My goal on this blog is first and foremost to keep a record for my kids someday to have, so if I can't get to a full post I often put in a 'bookmark' to finish later. I'm particularly behind now because I think my nanny drank from the kookaid the Prices give their nannies and ditched w/o warning. AFTER BEING GONE A MONTH. Ugh)

Merry Kissmas Evybody!

Trading Cards

C an D LOVE the holiday cards we have been getting. They love looking at pictures of people they know and even those they don't. They treat them like trading cards. "I'll trade you a baby Sonia for an Avery." So thank you to all who have sent! We have so much fun looking at them, and please don't be offended if you visit our apartment and find them mangled...it was done with love!

And two little post scripts:
--If you are looking for our card, I somehow had the foresight to turn it into a "new years" card...so it should be coming soon. And if you don't get one, please send me your address!! (Sometimes I have the "questionable address" list that never gets fully completed)
--I have to point out the cute little hats I got from Knitty Bitty on Etsy. I accidentally sent Knitty Bitty's owner an old address via paypal, and when she realized that I never received them, she REMADE and RESENT--free of charge! And the girls LOVE them!

Advice to new moms everywhere

Stop reading this (all 3 of you), get up, get your baby in the car, and go to your gym. Leave your child at the daycare there. Get them USED to it. Otherwise you will be me. You will have children who scream bloody murder when you try to leave them at your exercise place. You will have the parents look at you and wonder what is wrong with your children (or wrong with you for putting them through such torture).

I could go through all the reasons I didn't start taking them to daycare at my exercise class place earlier (prematurity, twins, RSV season, pure laziness) but just suffice it to say I won't make the same mistake again. And you shouldn't either. Trust me, your abdominal muscles will thank me later.

The Tree that Toddlers Built

I LOVE Christmas. Decorating the Christmas tree is definitely one of my favorite traditions. As a kid we used to make our annual trip to an ornament store, and each of us would get to pick out our yearly ornament. We also had a special "decorate the tree night" that included hot chocolate and lots of Christmas songs. As an adult I added a new Christmas tradition--Andrew and I try to collect ornaments from all the places we visit.

So of course I was thrilled at the idea of having what felt like our first real "tree decorating experience." It wasn't exactly what I imagined. For example:

• We had to cut short our "tree purchasing" adventure because C was starting to get sick.
• We juggled decorating the tree with dealing with sick kids. Andrew actually attempted to string the lights on only to stop midway, realize he sucked at it, and remove them all and ask me to do it.
• I looked everywhere but couldn't find a great store to take the girls ornament shopping.
• C and D enjoyed putting ornaments on the tree, but in doing so C opened up my "special box" of ornaments and shattered an ornament that Andrew and I had bought on a trip to Portsmouth NH while in business school. It was a very low moment...I was spending 24/7 with sick kids while waking up at 6 am to get in work calls and working late to crank on work because our nanny left for Ireland for three weeks. For some reason, at that point it felt like everything I had and everything I was prior to having children was shattered along with that ornament. I promptly burst into tears. Like I said, low moment.
• My babysitter told me she liked our "modest tree." (As in "all the other people I babysit for have huge trees in grand living rooms.")The tree is now up, we're over the worst of our illnesses, and we are finally enjoying the holidays. We missed a couple of things I wanted the girls to experience this holiday, but still got the chance to decorate Christmas cookies sent by Gram.
  
  
  
  
  

Swimming lessons=$2 a minute

Warning: If you are my husband, STOP READING THIS NOW. It will only make your blood boil and send you running to check our accounts online to see how far in the 'red' we are this month. And without even looking I can tell you, it ain't pretty. Red is clearly Team Dodson's favorite color when it comes to finance.

I figured out that the swimming lessons I signed C/D up this fall cost us roughly $2 minute. Yes. CHOKE. Why you ask? We missed 2 of the six classes due to sickness. We missed another class due to them giving us the wrong start time the first day (they let us hang out in the pool for the same time period on our own, but still, not a class). So I basically spent $2 a minute to have C take 2 classes and D take one class (that she HATED). And calling it a 'class' is probably pushing it...I mean how hard is it to chase floaty toys around the pool and dunk your kid under water after blowing on her face? Worth $2 a minute? I don't think so. arrrrrrgh.....

Here are the budding rockstars now...hmm....wonder how much guitar and drum lessons cost? : )

Broken Record

We're sick. Yes, again. First C, then D, then me. Then D again with an ear infection. And apparently I'm not keeping a good enough "log" of all my daughters' illnesses. (Yes, and here I thought that was my doctor's job). Should I send them a link to my blog?

I feel like a TERRIBLE parent because I couldn't figure out why D was being soooooo clingy. I seriously thought that she was just becoming a pain in the ass. Apparently ear aches masquerade as "child acts like a pain in the ass." Bad, bad, BAD mother. Poor poor pitiful monkey.

Pity Party

This morning I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. Even though I had practically begged Andrew to go to Vegas last night---last minute invitation to what was sure to be a once in a lifetime experience (and yes, I told him he HAD to go, mostly out of principle because if the invite had gone to me, I wouldn't even have asked)--I was lamenting the fact that I had two cranky girls on my own for the second weekend in a row (last weekend A was in New Orleans for a different bachelor party). I was in Starbucks and D and C were literally wrestling in the wagon and someone looked at me like "My god, can't you control them?"

And then I smiled, beause I realized that while I was at Starbucks at 9am, JAW was in a four hour birthing class after flying home from said bachelor party. And I wasn't sure who I wanted to be less...JAW, who was likely still drunk and in a world of hurt (since he'd texted me mid-evening last night with "no poop. pass gas"--a nice nodd to my daughters' gracious behavior--i had a pretty good idea of his state)... or Julie, his wife, who would have to pretend she didn't see the looks of pity from the other parents as her husband oozed alcohol out of his pores while practicing breathing exercises.

And suddenly, I felt so much better.

A new kind of nativity

C and D like to play with their two nativity scenes....
Exhibit A: C/D love the Baby Jesus figure most, so they give him a place of "honor" on the stable...(clearly they aren't ready to babysit)

Exhibit B: The other day C/D were playing with the nativity figures, then I hear them "talking" to each other...then they run into their room and start demanding "diapers." I give them the diapers, and they run out of the room together. I am both fascinated by what they are doing and impressed that they seem to be communicating with each other so well. Curious, I grab the video camera and follow them.



Twelve years of Catholic education, and that's a new one for me...

(And yes, I'm way behind on posts. It has been a rough couple of weeks...trying to come up for air)

How scared should I be?

I asked D to dress herself and this is what she came up with...

uh, britney, your diaper is showing.

All of my talk about not making them too girly may be coming back to bite me in the ass. They LOVE shoes...we went into a store the other day to get a baby gift, and before I knew it they had both walked over to the shoes on display and tried to put them on. And if they see something new they try to put it on. Yesterday they literally fought over who was going to wear a pair of shoes my mom had bought for D.

Oh sh*t.

New Words

Some favorite new phrases:

D (When asked if she wants to trade/share something with Charlotte: "No tank you. Busy."

D and C (When I start to tell them not to do something): "I said no!" (Uh, gee, where do you think that one came from?)

D and C (When I tell them to drink their milk, eat their salmon, etc): "Big muscles!" (Then they hold out their arms for me to feel them...yes, this is a ploy I have used to get them to drink and right now it seems to work).

D and C (I don't think I need to explain the situation). "Pass gas."

C: "Neighbors. Hammer boom boom. Map." (C does not like strange noises. If she hears them she tries to calm herself by saying that it is the neighbors, and that they must be using a hammer to put up a map, much like we did when we hung a map in their room)

D: "I see it!" (Even if she doesn't)

D and C: "One for Charlotte. One for Dylan." (Of course I LOVE this new phrase)

And one situation that makes me live in fear of my future:
I'm not a big fan of timeouts, but at this age sometimes it seems like the only option. A few days ago Charlotte tried to yank the curtains down in their room. After telling her several times no, I gave her a time out. When it was over D starts smiling and yelling "bye bye time out!" The next day they are sitting in the room and D grins and says mischieviously "TIME OUT!!" and the two look at each other, grin, and immediately start trying to rip down the curtains, laughing all the while.

Here's monkeys with their new versions of "smiling" for the camera. (D=snowman)

Future Rockstars

D and C love the guitar at our nearby playground...they both pick it up, hug it, and burst into one of our songs from music class. Unfortunately, I think they got their singing voices from their parents. Check it out, D and then C.

Calling the Mothership

D/C have developed some kind of ritual that they have been repeating every night around bedtime for the past few weeks. Midway through getting ready for bed, one of them starts running around in circles saying what sounds like "Do why do why circle round" over and over. One starts doing it and the other immediately joins in. We have absolutely no idea what they are saying or where they picked it up (it doesn't resemble any song we know from music class or otherwise).

If their index fingers start glowing or they start saying "phone home" I'm going to freak.

This is from the night we returned from Houston.

Dillon in Houston

I forgot to mention that on the last night there we went to dinner w/ a high school classmate of Andrew's who is sort of dating Tim Riggins. Yes, FNL fans, RIGGINS. I think his real name is Taylor Kitsch, but who the hell cares, he will always be Riggins to me. I guess she bought him drinks at the Cedar Door in August and it started from there. After I accosted her about it she said "OMG, we were just texting about the new truck he bought!" It was all I could do to stop from gushing and saying "well tell him and Sarison to get their *sses over here!" She also told me Riggins is too young for her (4 years younger). Clearly she didn't know her audience. : )

Unfortunately, I didn't get the scoop on any of the other characters other than that Nick saw Tyra and she "doesn't look fat in person." (Does she look fat on the show? God help me if she does).

Happy Thanksgiving

We spent Thanksgiving week deep in the heart of Texas, Houston to be exact. While not the shortest flight in the world, the monkeys didn't do half bad. We had a great time in Houston. I'd like to write more, but I find myself running behind this week so I'll keep it to the greatest hits.

• A visit to the Erwins to hang out with Jill and Avery. Avery is gorgeous and sweet and tolerated her intruders, and I was so glad to see a kindred house full of toys. It was great to see them and I only wish we lived closer.
• A trip to the zoo with Peyton and MacKenzie. Peyton is another stunner (with friends like these, C and D are going to have to be really funny). The little ones enjoyed the animals and loved the carousel. Yet another family to whom we wished we lived closer.
• Some hang time with Andrew's high school friends (who, incidentally, C/D now think of as their friends).
• Lots of "drive drive drive" time for C/D (they love to play in cars), mostly in Sam's cars, and unfortunately once in our friend Nick's car which ended with C breaking his stereo by sticking a quarter in the cd slot (please send us the bill Nick).
• A plethora of goodies waiting for them in Houston, from "fuzzy crocs" (I have had to hide here for a bit until they can fit in them because if they see them they will refuse to wear anything else) and candy cane jackets to buses and grocery carts and vacuums all waiting to be pushed.
• More space inside and out than C and D had ever seen before.
• Lots of cousin time with Ainsley and Hayes. Ainsley was so sweet and couldn't understand why C/D didn't want to be hugged and kissed all the time (sometimes almost five year olds hugs can be a little overwhelming for a 22 month old, but that is hard to explain to a very sweet almost five year old). Hayes was a trooper, sharing his grandparents and their toys (although he initially referred to Sam as "My Sammy" as in "not your Sammy." Who can blame him?)
• A great thanksgiving feast, and great food in general.
• A valiant but failed attempt to get a picture of all four cousins together.
• 80 degrees weather one day, 45 degrees weather the next.
• Queso, but not enough of it.

Getting home was more painful than getting there, but all in all it could have been much much worse. Here's hoping everyone else had a great break too.

Here's some pics, I'll put some videos up later.

He's got game...

I'm cranking on a work project and listening to A (who, after being gone all week and JUST walking in the door had to jump on a work call immediately) get aggressive on the phone. Thoughts going through my mind:

• His face looks like it did the morning I interviewed him NINE YEARS AGO. Flushed.
• Thank God he doesn't try to talk to me this way.
• Wait a minute, he does talk to me that way sometimes, and it really p*sses me off.
• Maybe this is why he got a 1 in Negotiations and I got a 3.

(Read this fast, the blog police may request a deletion).

Everything is big when you are small...

If there's one thing that plays in my favor these days it is that everything seems big when you are small. Have you ever been back to your elementary school as an adult? It seems way smaller doesn't it? This works well for me given that we live in a small 2/1 apartment. Even on sick days when we are inside a lot, C/D still find new things to explore in our tiny space. They put on their backpacks and head off together. They'll end up in the dining room/craft room/random stuff room playing with stickers or in their "secret hiding place" (Andrew's closet) flipping through books. When you are little, home can feel safe and secure and exciting and new all at once.

I can't imagine what they'd do if given the chance to "explore" some of my friends' houses...they'd probably ask for camping equipment to venture off into the Price's house.

She'll have what I'm having....

The joy of twins.

Me: Dylan, let's get your jacket on. How about the lobster jacket?
D: No, 'dis jacket!! (Pointing to the pink fuzzy fleece jacket).
Me: Ok, let's put that one on.
Me: Charlotte, let's get your jacket on.
C: Seashells! (Her fleece, D's equivalent is the 'lobster jacket.')
Me: Ok, great.
D: NOooooooooooo! Charwotte, 'dis jacket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: But Dylan, C wants to wear a different jacket.
D: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (crying, rolling around on the floor)
Me: Ok Charlotte, will you wear the jacket Dylan is wearing?
C: No.
Me: Ok Dylan, Charlotte wants to wear her seashells fleece, but you can wear different jackets.
D: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Charwotte...'dis jacket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR

D: Ladybug socks!! Ladybug socks!
(I put on ladybug socks)
C: Ladybug socks! Ladybug socks!
(I only have one pair of ladybug socks).
C: Ladybug socks! (crying)
Me: Look Charlotte, I have socks for you with deer on them. How cool is that?
C: Deer socks! Ooh.
D: (Frantically trying to rip her shoes and socks off). DEER SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEER SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here they are...ruining the environment one water bottle at a time (I blame their father, and I can continue to say things like that until he guest posts).

And another one down...

Little Charlotte got sick. I feel AWFUL, like it is all my fault. We were up all night with her, and I had to do most of the work because we are trying to keep A from getting it. So painful. The poor thing was screaming and begging me for milk, but I'm trying to stop her from throwing so I have to reintroduce everything really slowly. It is breaking my heart to watch her. It really, really is. I give her a teaspoon of pedialyte in a dropper and the poor thing practically inhales it trying to get every last drop of it in her mouth. (Nights like that always make me think of children in bad circumstances...ie. group homes or neglectful families..who takes care of them when they are sick? Always puts it into perspective).

This blog is getting freakin' depressing... Team Dodson seems to be in a slump. Here are the monkeys in happier days...(although something about this photo makes D (Left) look like Nicole Ritchie or something..you know that "I am going to pretend I don't want to be photographed and hold on to my gal-pal-of-the-moment's hand for moral support")

AGAIN????

I thought I was going to be posting about how this week was all about 'recovering' from a rough month in the Dodson abode. But no. I got the stomach virus last night. AGAIN. AGAIN. I cannot freakin' believe it. And this time it was worse. This is the first time I have sat up all day. I am barely able to function and I'm very weak. I feel so bad because D/C have not had a lot of me lately, and it is so confusing and probably scary for your mother to be so sick that she can't hug you (or doesn't want to out of fear of getting you sick) and can't hold you and can't even sit up. They keep yelling "sit up!" and trying to climb on top of me.

Andrew is extremely busy at work, and he stayed home as long as he could in the morning. Then I used the Bat Phone to call my mother, who of course dropped everything to come out and take care of C/D. Andrew then came home as early as he could and took over from there.

I'm really starting to feel that I must be a dirty person. Why the hell do we keep getting sick? This is the third time the stomach virus has passed through my family in a year. I am seriously going to have to start bathing in purell. This sucks.

I (Heart) NY

I am sitting here in JFK waiting to fly home. I am exhausted, but glad that this project is over. It was a frustrating trip in some ways because while I had planned to have everything done before I left for the trip, for various reasons I basically had to redo the entire presentation over the weekend (long story). Since I hadn't gotten much sleep the previous few weeks, this wasn't that sweet. So instead of seeing friends who live in NY, I worked through 80% of the weekend. I guess it was a good thing I waited to make plans with anyone, because I didn't have time in the end.

The one big bright spot was that I got to see my friend Jane and her husband Kevin. They live such a different life than me in every way possible, and it was so fun to get to experience it for a day. Even the brief time I spent just being lazy with them in their (unbelievable) new apartment was a lot of fun (and a luxury). (Don't get me wrong, they are lazy on Sundays because they live ridiculously interesting lives the rest of the week.)

Unfortunately for Kevin, I often make him tell me all about how premature he was (3.5 months, spent his first year in the hospital) because it makes me feel better about the girls' chances in life. (This time around I learned that he grew 4 inches in college and 1.5 inches in LAW school..he's convinced it was because he was so premature that he just grew late..there's hope yet!!!)

As stressful as the trip was, it is ALWAYS great to be in NY. I love NY. One of my biggest regrets thus far in life is that I didn't live there in my 20s. But I figure never say never, I never thought I'd get to live in Paris either (course, that probably means that to make NY fun I'd need to get Jweiss and Suds to join me--I think the Manray in NYC has a fountain I can fall into just as easily). Paris will always be the city-love of my life, but I'd like to have an affair w/ NYC.

The presentation itself went better than I thought it would given last minute changes, and it was a more senior audience than I had expected. I could go on and on about all the mixed feelings that I had about work/life balance while on this trip--about working, traveling without kids, etc. But I'll just say this: the biggest rub of motherhood is that you get no "rush" from a sense of accomplishment. I'm sure I will get a "rush" from a lot of things my children do in life...but those will--and should--be THEIR accomplishments, not mine. And while I'm sure it will in many ways be more gratifying than anything I have accomplished, it isn't the same. It isn't that same "I just kicked ass" or "People liked my work" or "I just impressed someone" feeling. It just isn't, and while I'd take motherhood first any day, I miss the rush. And I am not willing to give it up completely. And it is hard to get that rush without truly investing in work. And the search for balance goes on...

As for what was going on while I was gone? Fun, fun, fun. D/C LOVED having alone time w/ Daddy, and he loved it even more. I really think Andrew loved having them all to himself. They are back to being Daddy's Girls and seem downright disappointed when I wake them up in the morning. They also picked up a few phrases, like "No work!" "Byebye work!" "Daddy all day!" And it was kind of cool to hear them say "Mama...Airplane."

C/D miss him so much while he's at work now they'll even use remotes to try to call him.

Punkins, Boo!, Weetches, Gollins, Tricky Treat...Happy 'Ween

After weeks of anticipation we finally hit Halloween. In the past few days we celebrated with two different 'twins' get togethers and then topped it off with trick or treating on Wednesday evening. C/D were a little overwhelmed by trick or treating so we didn't last long. We went down my favorite street in the Marina. They block off the street and EVERYBODY gets into it...maybe too much for C/D. While we liked that the first house was serving wine to moms and dads, C/D were a little frightened by the cool costumes the homeowners were wearing and their 'tricked out' Halloween garages, and they REALLY didn't like the smoke machines several houses had. They also don't really like candy as it turns out (I know, wait until next year).

But I think for a first attempt at trick or treating we didn't do half bad.

All Nighter

Last night I pulled an all-nighter. I didn't even think I was capable of such a thing anymore. But I actually stayed up working the entire night. Honestly, I'm too tired now to say much more than that...

Here's recent pics of the monkeys looking like little girls.

And Andrew just felt his first earthquake. He's officially one of us now :-)

Should duty call...

We're happy just to chill.

But should duty call... ...we'll join together... ...get ourselves ready... ..and head off to save the day.
Rest easy San Francisco, your city is safe tonight.

Fashion Dos or Fashion Don'ts?

It turns out that Andrew doesn't always like the way I dress D/C. (I also think he might not be alone in his opinions.) The interesting thing is that I don't take offense to it the way I might if someone said they didn't like the way I dress.

Why do I dress them the way I do?

• Well, I like it.
• A lot of the clothes are gifts (not that I don't love the clothes anyway, but maybe I can spread the blame for those who don't like them : 0)
• I try to dress for play.
• Sundresses, etc. don't fly here.
• I can't convince myself that perfectly coiffed girls don't turn into perfectly coiffed prima donnas.

I do think it is sweet that he cares about how they look and wants them to look more girly and more traditional sometimes. So here's a few efforts to appease him at least in part...

Toy Gripes

Although I'm a big believer in nature vs. nurture, the toy industry is doing its damndest to convince me otherwise.

Whenever I go to Pottery Barn Kids I get annoyed. Don't ge me wrong, I kinda love that store, but I hate some of the choices they make. For instance:

--Why are all the boys rooms 'activity' oriented and the girls rooms filled with either domestic objects or completely useless things like flowers and butterflies? C/D always head to the boys rooms, and there is a reason--the boys rooms have trains, balls, trucks, etc, while the only decent thing the girls rooms offer is a dollhouse (which they don't quite get yet).

--If these little "domestic" toys are so fun, why don't they market them to both genders? Why are the irons pink--why the hell don't they have BLUE irons? And why would I want to ENCOURAGE domesticity? I mean seriously, I'm not sure they have ever seen me use an iron. So boys get a soft soccer ball that makes a 'crash sound' and my girls get a freakin' washing machine????? Are you KIDDING ME?

--Even the girls sports stuff they try to placate me with at places like PBK rub me the wrong way. Why does a girl need a pink mitt? I never had a pink mitt, and last I checked no one in MLB did either. But at least they are trying on this one...

At least some of the kitchen sets are relatively gender neutral in color. Little boys are always playing with the kitchen sets there, and they also love the grocery carts (my girls do too, I just like my walls unscratched). I see a lot of little boys on the street pushing little strollers around (popular 'big brother' gift), and I think it sucks that the strollers are often feminine looking. Why in the world shouldn't we be encouraging our little boys to emulate their fathers?

I realize it gets even worse at a Toys R Us, but I guess I just expect more from PBK. I mean I know people who work there (they are based in SF). They are intelligent women. Why are they trying to stick my daughters in the 1950s?? I mean maybe D/C don't want to play with "Female Senators" playing cards, but can't we come up with something better than a vacuum?

I know that girls will be girls and boys will be boys, and I know that a girl can like to play 'house' and still end up a doctor or supreme court justice, but I can't help but think that our children's psyches are made up of thousands of little touchpoints. And what am I teaching my daughters if one of the first things I encourage them to do is clean the house?

When Hillary is president, do you think she can outlaw pink domestic toys?

(Oh, and here's a pic showing off the AMAZING weather we've been having...this is right before they ran right into the water. I've been working so much I haven't had much time to enjoy, but we did get a great afternoon at the beach. Did I mention that I love October?!)

A Few More Words

Some more favorite phrases:

• "Mean it" "Accident" = I didn't mean to bite/hit/push my sister (even if she totally did)
• "SeeLaAlgayor" = See you later alligator
• "Dip dip Sha na na"= ketchup, yogurt tip, etc (whenever I make them any kind of did dip I sing "shanananananana...dip dip" and so that is what they say when they want it)
• "Mama...work....shhhhh"= Mama working...I like that they see me working just like Daddy,--I just wish I were working a little lessright now)
• "Pizza...Axex....Reesy...Krista"= Let's go eat pizza with the glotzbach girls (we go to pizza with them often, and every time we drive by the restaurant they start repeating those four words). It is so cool when your kids start becoming friends with your friends kids!!!!
• "Touchdown!"= This is what they yell when we walk past a Niners poster on a bus stop on our street....i'm not sure if I should be proud, mad at us for having football on during the weekends, or frightened.

I'm continuously amazed by their memories and the word associations they are starting to make. I realize this is what all kids do, but it is kinda crazy seeing your kids start to put things together.

And these are outfits we bought the girls w/ gift cards from Sam/Gram. Turns out Andrew doesn't think I dress the monkeys 'girly' enough so these are his picks. (More on that later...) This is out in front of the Discovery Museum...they were more interested in watching the tractors outside than going in to see the Clifford Exhibit--which they did love once they finally saw. And that stuff on C's face (in the pink) is some makeup of mine she got into....nice.

Digital Baby Book

This blog is meant to let other people know what is up in our lives and to someday let the girls see "what they were doing when...." Of course, I also planned on keeping a diligent baby book and personal journal for the girls. Gotta tell you, the journal is mostly blank and the baby book ain't lookin' that good these days. So occasionally I need to use this blog to "record history" so to speak. So an update:

Words:

--Where should I start? They repeat EVERYTHING. Which means I have to watch my language.

--D loves multi syllabic words: avocaaaaado, cottage cheeeeeeze, refrigerator,dishwasher (when she sees something dirty). D also says "Charlotte!" just like her mother does when she is trying to get C to come back to her, so it always sounds like an order.

--C loves to imitate. I must say no three times when I mean it, because when C is doing something she knows she shouldn't she grins and says "no no no!" I must say "whoa" a lot too, because if she finds me doing something she thinks is a big deal (like standing on a chair to get something out of a cabinet) she says "whoa mama." If I say "totally" on the phone to someone, I'll hear "totally" repeated behind me.

--The both love to sing. They are surprisingly good at the ABC song, and at night we can hear them singing snippets of songs..."itzy bitzy spider," "e i e i o," and "tinkle tinkle lil' star."

--NO: This word is big in our household. C/D have found lots of uses for it. C says it once with force, (or 3x if mocking me). Dylan says it in rapid succession while closing her eyes and shaking her head "NONONONONONONONONONO!"

--C is always saying "Dylan milk" "Dylan shoe" "Dylan crocs" "Dylan sleepsack" "Dylan hat." Basically, whatever she is doing she wants Dylan to be doing too. But she's not just demanding, she's also maternal. If she gets milk, she says "Dylan" and holds her hand out for the other cup to give Dylan. If I give her a snack, she holds her hands out for one to give her sister.

Some Favorite Phrases:

"Say May May" = Excuse Me

"Daddy...work...vroom vroom... hiyi...." = Daddy drives to work and talks on the phone."
"Mama eat that" = Mom please eat this scrap I just spit out.
"Daddy Hide Feet"=Daddy hides my feet in the sleep sack
"Hi Bull"=Hello to my bull bath towel
"X" down!" (X=anything they have dropped, be it food, a fork, a lion, a hat, a cup, a book, etc)=I dropped X

"Vroom Vroom....are you?"= Where is the car parked in this parking lot

"Towel!"= I need a towel because I spilled something (on purpose or by accident)

"Katie Nigh Nigh"= Katie, the dog next door, is asleep

"Call X"= Call X, where X is usually Sam or Gram/Marsha. This is said while picking up the phone.

"Football"= The TV. They apparently think the TV only shows football. When D needed her breathalyzer I usually turned on the TV for a minute to distract her. I turned on Sportscenter because when I'd say "Do you want to watch TV for a second while we take medicine?" She'd say "Football."

Two more random thoughts:

--C has a favorite color I think. Blue. She always wants the blue cup, the blue towel, the blue step stool. Yesterday she opened a box with a blue sweater and a pink sweater. She immediately threw the pink one aside saying "Dylan" and then tried to put the blue one on.

--The other day I made them 'pumpkin cookies' (where "made" = put the pre-cut refrigerated ones from Nestle in the oven). C had eaten all of hers and wanted more, I asked D if she would share. D was LOVING her cookie, but she still tore off a little piece for C. When I gave in and gave them another one, the opposite occurred, and this time it was C who tore off a piece for D. My heart melted.

Here's a recent pic that makes them look WAY too old:

Here are the girls w/ their towels...

In this video D is saying "jacket off" and "closet"



Oh, and the next two weeks are going to suck for me, so I may have to go radio silent for awhile...

21st Century Pumpkin Patch

When I was in the first and second grades we took field trips to pumpkin patches in Half Moon Bay (kinda the pumpkin capital of the world). We would go out to a field and CUT OUR PUMPKINS OFF THE VINE. I remember this... I remember it being a beautiful, quiet, pastoral setting.

So of course, I envisioned this for C/D. No parking lot pumpkin patch for my monkeys. So on Sunday morning we drove to Half Moon Bay...usually about 45 minutes from our house. Things were great, until we got off the freeway. HMB is 6 miles off 280, and it took us 45 minutes to drive it. I had screwed up the dates and we had driven down on the day of the Art and Pumpkin Festival. UGH. According to the people at the pumpkin patches it is generally bad traffic every weekend in October, but I definitely picked one of the worst days to go.

So rather than go to the working farm/pumpkin patch 5 miles past HMB that we had researched, we stopped at one of the first ones. The patch itself was close to what I wanted...we had wheelbarrows, there were pumpkins of all types, and it wasn't too citified. Then we walked about 100 yards up to what can only be described as Halloween on Crack. There were bounce houses (why does EVERYTHING have to have a freakin' bounce house) pony rides, hay rides, a petting zoo, tons of "photo ops"---everything except a pumpkin patch on a working farm.

What has the world come to that even our pumpkin patches have gone Hollywood?

(And ya' like the hat Charlotte's wearing? I bought it to replace the purple stripe one she lost. She lost it while on the bus w/ C (babysitter) on Monday. I'm not even sure I paid the credit card bill for it yet.)

In the Cave

C/D LOVE their Anytime PBK chairs. They have found so many uses for them. The latest is "cave." They like to get in there (they love small spaces) and have me close the shades and play 'spooky' music. Now they have Halloween flashlights to go with it.

Shades aren't down in this video but you get the idea. And you can hear them say "Say May May" which means "excuse me." (It might be Andrew's favorite word yet). Apparently they don't let adults in their caves.

Happy Anniversary

It is our third year anniversary today, and all we want to do is sleep. These past 5 weeks have been SO SO SO tough. UGH.

(PS. I waited to post this because I had visions of a REALLY nice anniversary post.. but I don't have the energy. I promise I'll make up for it eventually Bug.)

Neutralizing Vacation Afterglow

This post was going to be all about our trip...finally...to Hawaii. I was going to talk about how we first got there and didn't know what to do with ourselves we were so unused to having free time. Then I was going to talk about how the weather wasn't great but we made the best of it. We went for a great hike to a secluded beach, we explored the south part of the island, we had a great couples massage on the beach, blah blah blah.

I didn't expect that this post would end with me saying "OMG I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open." But that is in fact the case. No, I'm not jetlagged--taking the redeye back turned out to be a great call (or would have been). I'm tired because I got 3 hours of sleep last night (maybe). I don't know how to make this too short of a story, but here are the basics. D started coughing/wheezing Sat am, and on Sunday afternoon she started to worry me a little. For the first time she had these coughing episodes where I thought

I left the house at 6pm and got back at 11pm, after 3 breathing treatments, an x-ray, and a whole lot of crying. Poor little Miss D. What started out as a night with me saying "hmm, I should probably take her in tomorrow morning, but maybe I'll call the after hours line to get some advice if things get worse tonight" ended up with me begging the doctor to let me take her home rather than admit her (she did, but only if I agreed to get up every hour to check on her). I ended up staying up until 3am checking on her, then woke up 5 times between 3 and 7 to check on her or give her breathing treatments.

And now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the hell happened, why I feel like such a terrible mother (ok, I know why I do, I guess I'm just wondering if it is true). I mean let's not even go into the fact that I feel terribly selfish for leaving my girls. I feel so awful that I debated calling the doctor and then had to fight to take her home. And we even took them to see the Blue Angels at Fleet Week on Sunday afternoon (the BEST weekend of the year in SF).

Anyway, the good news is that D is MUCH better this am, and she even went to the doctors without crying today. (There was a lot of "NO SHOTS" but she did blow the doctors kisses and even said "See you later alligator"--ok, it doesn't sound anything like that, but I know what she is trying to say). The doctor I'm seeing is not my regular doctor...she is on maternity leave...and she thinks we should call this what I think it is...asthma. She also said that none of the other doctors in the practice want to call it that just yet...and yet if I see it from the perspective of A) prevention, and B) my approach, I think calling it asthma helps me view things in a very different light.

So for now, I think we can say D has asthma. And my dr. claims it probably wasn't prematurity (though that couldn't have helped) since D didn't need oxygen assistance at birth. More likely it is genetic (Andrew had it, and many in his family had it). So I'm going to take classes on it, take notes on all D's treatments, and hopefully help her fight it.

I almost feel like we didn't take a vacation the 'relaxed feeling' left us both so quickly.

My Favorite Month

October is my favorite month of the year. The weather is fantastic for the most part, sunny and either warm or a little crisp ("football weather"), Halloween is fast ahead, pomegranates and squash stock the store shelves, and cozy, comfort food starts to come back in season (it is about this time that I start buying cookbooks and cooking magazines..it is like I somehow forget that I suck at cooking). Besides, fall colors look good on me. :)


C/D are skinny but feeling better....

Monkey See, Monkey...

Bulimia Update

No vomiting since yesterday morning. The doctor put them on formula. I was a little freaked out because they've never been on formula before, but they seemed willing to drink it. It seems to have helped...they are getting protein but not dairy. Tomorrow I'm going to reintroduce some yogurt and see how it goes.... both of the girls are smaller than they were two months ago. If D loses any more weight I'm going to have to turn her car seat around.

And a few people pointed out that the girls are in identical dresses, which seems to be at odds w/ my general twin philosophy. Generally, I don't like dressing them the same. But these dresses were too cute (their great grandmother MADE them) and sometimes it is a little hard to resist. Also, I am starting to have trouble because if I buy them different things they tend to prefer one over the other. Ie. they have a blue sippy cup and an orange one---they both want blue. I had to get another blue. They have a dog towel and a frog towel---they both prefer the dog. I ended up getting them the same Halloween costume because I worried that they would both prefer one over the other (my other identical twin moms are having the same issues). So you may see more "identical" things moving forward.

This is an old video (about 3 weeks ago) that I'd originally uploaded just to send Andrew, but I've had some video requests so here goes...

More pics

The blog police said I put the "worst picture" up (trying not to get offended because it was the only pic that included me). Here are more pics of C/D. C is in the darker bow, but unfortunately they are so different in size right now I think it is easy to tell who is who (their size difference continues to worry me, and if one more person tells me it is "no big deal" and its "ok for girls to be little" I'm going to hurt someone. I know it isn't the worst thing in the world, but I'm their mother, I'm the one who was supposed to give them good prenatal care, and I'm allowed to worry).

And I know what you're thinking "what kind of horrible mother dresses her kids up for pics in the middle of the stomach flu?" I could give you all the specifics, but let's just leave it at "yes, I'm that kind of clueless, horrible mother."

And here's a video of the girls before they got sick. One of their favorite new tricks is "walking backwards." They are so proud of themselves. I have a better video of it, that includes their attempts at jumping, but I'm struggling to figure out how to edit w/ quicktime Pro so who knows if you'll ever see it.

Still Going (again)

Both C and D threw up again last night. Sometime in the middle of the night. I feel like the WORST mother because I didn't hear it (even though I have the monitor back on now), nor did I go in and check on them when I went to bed because I didn't want to wake them. And so they spent the night in vomit. I feel so so awful. And I'm tired of this...we're on day 10 of this flu and that isn't normal. They're tired, hungry, and miserable, I'm worried, my work is suffering, and I just want them better.

Was I on crack when I wrote that last cheery post? Clearly. Call me Britney.

And here's a pic that was taken amidst all of this during one of our few "well moments" (notice no one is smiling)...nice bra strap Molly. OMG, I AM turning into Britney. Poor ADod.

These are the Easy Years

This morning C threw up. AGAIN. We are now on day 7 of this illness and I feel so bad for them. Yesterday we seemed to be out of the woods. Today we seem to be taking a step back again.

Luckily, last week I got an email from Aunt Pat that has stuck w/ me the past few days. She said that kids are exhausting...physically when they are little and emotionally when they are older. And all weekend I kept thinking that I am in the BEST years of my life. That getting thrown up on was really not that bad, especially when your little girl looks at you afterwards and says "Hold you?" which means "pick me up!" Or when they run up, throw their arms out wide, and bury themselves in your lap.

My mother used to say that she loved her 30s best (mind you, she had her last kid at 3o...while I was still throwing up myself after a rough night at HBS at 30) because she would go to bed at night with all her kids tucked safely into bed. When they were older she could go to bed when she wanted, but she couldn't sleep because she'd lay awake and worry that one of her kids was out lying in a ditch somewhere (to which my brother Daniel would inevitably respond "How many ditches do you see around here Mom???" --My brothers are the funniest people I know. I wish everyone could experience a holiday dinner w/ my brothers and cousins.)

My point is, I'll take physical exhaustion ANYDAY over emotional exhaustion. I'll take staying up all hours rocking a baby to sleep over staying up worrying that my child is in with the wrong crowd, depressed, not eating enough, doesn't like me, etc. I'll take a child who won't leave me alone for five seconds (going to the bathroom is a family affair for me these days) over one who won't have anything to do with me. I'm sure that having adolescent and adult kids is also wonderful, but I gotta admit, every time I felt exhausted this weekend, or got a little tired of someone begging to be held, all I had to do was flash forward 11 years to teenage angst, and suddenly the weekend seemed like one of the best of my life.

Oh, and the Milfs (my FF team...the blog police (Andrew) censored me on this one, but whatever, I need a rooting section, and how can you root for my team if you don't know the name) had a rough week--maybe they had the stomach flu too.

Turning the Corner...

We hope. We seem to be on the upswing. I blame myself for dragging this out a bit...I feel like such a rookie mom and it crushes me to think I screwed up the recovery process. We're laying low today and then my mom is going to help us tomorrow (This week has made it official: I would not survive motherhood without my mother. She came over part of Wed and Thurs of this week and helped me, willingly exposing herself to the plague. I am so excited for my brothers to get the same help when they have kids, and so sad for my sister that she can't use the Pegster Bat Phone. I feel guilty even writing about it).

And my lovely husband (I know, the one who pisses me off when it comes to going to the doctor) bought me an awesome new little video camera (the Flip) as an early anniversary/I feel bad for you gift. Can't wait to use it on my thin (D now weighs less than she did two months ago), tired, sick but recovering little monkeys (who, btw, are obssessed w/ the damn hats they are wearing below in fatter times. C insisted on sleeping with hers today. HELP!!!)

Now when we go to Hawaii we are really going to feel like we EARNED it.

Still going...

I'm still doing a ton of wash, I'm still getting thrown up on, and D and C are still really sick. In fact, they are worse today. I took D in to see the doctor this afternoon, although I did it in part to satisfy Andrew (The one thing we really fight about w/ regards to kids is the pediatrician. I'm sure this will come up in a post later, but what is it about men and the freakin' idea that you should always "go see the doctor")? The doctor confirmed that hydration is paramount and recovery is a touch and go process (all things we discussed when I spoke to her earlier in the day).

Anyway, we're now giving C/D pedialyte through a dropper. They are still throwing up but I'm really hoping it will stop soon. It has to, right?

It is really hard to deny your little girl when she picks up a spoon, looks at you w/ pleading eyes, and says "cottage cheese?"

Notes from an Infirmary

They wouldn't be identical twins if they didn't both get sick right? 24 hours after C threw up, D did. I have been thrown up on at least 6 times in the last two days. I feel so, so terrible for them. And to make things worse, we passed it on to C, the new nanny. (K is still going to see them on occasion, but her school schedule this fall is too much for her to work much, and she's probably moving to San Diego early next year).

This has been one of the toughest weeks on record. Not because I couldn't be in Hawaii (we moved it pretty easily and should be there soon enough) but because it is so hard to watch my monkeys suffer. I'm just so glad they got sick before I left..I could not have handled being away from them for any amount of time while they were sick. And yes, it has been hard to try to take care of two sick little ones, who just want to be held. And for the first time I actually wished they watched tv/videos. They have about a 5 minute attention span on anything on tv, which on any other day except a sick day I love. (If, on top of a week of sickness, a ton of weight loss, and a just plain miserable experience, they learn to like tv/videos and I have to spend months denying them, I'm going to be really bitter).

I had mroe eloquent thoughts about the past week, but they were lost somewhere along with about 15 hours of sleep.

My poor, poor little monkeys.

Aloha...no no no!

I'm having a mini pity party.

Why? Because I was supposed to go to Hawaii tomorrow. With my husband. And no one else.

And I'm not.

Because D got a chest cold, and then C got the stomach flu. All in one night. Two nights before our first real trip post-monkeys. The trip I could justify because what is good for my marriage is good for my kids. The trip during which I would do VERY little.

Alas, this trip is not to be. At least not this week. Bugger.

As C would say when she mimics me while she does something she isn't supposed to..."NO NO NO!"

The Kite Runners

We were supposed to go to Carmel this weekend, but C/D have been sleeping terribly and w/ a pending trip to Hawaii we decided it would be too much.

This morning we went to the Discovery Musum and this afternoon I took the girls to a Kite Festival. They LOVED it. We looked at huge kites, chased smaller ones, ate ice cream, danced to music, and sat in a yellow bus. AND C/D jumped in a Bounce House. Well really, they were thrown around inside a bounce house, but they LOVED it.

Check it out...(I am having a trouble embedding it. I'm done w/ Google video. It sucks)

Day on the Farm

Yesterday I took D/C to Slide Ranch, an educational farm by Muir Beach. It is 15 miles and a world away from our apartment. It is flanked on the west by the Pacific Ocean and on the north, south and east by beautiful rolling hills and not a building in sight.

The rules on the ranch are 1) Get Dirty, 2) Try Something New, and 3) Have fun. We happily abided by all of them. We watched goats get milked, fed chickens, petted goats and sheep, hung with chicks, turkeys, ducks and geese, picked blackberries raspberries and apples, made bread, ate a snack in the secret garden, and got the girls faces painted.

We met up with Katie and Carter and their parents (both Stanford alums coincidentally, and he’s going to be the color commentator this year for Stanford basketball and football). Katie and Carter are the kind of girls against whom you don’t want to measure your children. They are about 6 inches taller, 10 lbs heavier, and have a vocabulary like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not joking. I can CONVERSE with them. And of course, they are really sweet and cute, as are their parents.

Definitely a great day and a really unique experience.

Make Hugs Not War...

I tried to watch the movie United 93 tonight. I couldn't. It was way too real, too scary, too sad.

I figured today was a good day to teach the girls how to hug each other.



Maybe we need to stick with holding hands for now...