Is it Lonely in There?

Sometimes I want to ask Bedo this question. Is she/he bored? Lonely? Happy to have all that freakin' room? I guess the littlest monkey knows no different, but it certainly feels weird to me.

I can already feel the difference between having one baby vs. two babies (other than the 10lbs less weight I'm carrying around). As soon as I found out I was having twins my relationship went from being "me and you" to "them." I was outnumbered from the start. And I think I could just feel that instead of creating this one on one relationship with one kid it would be just as much about helping them navigate the relationship between each other. In short, I got upstaged pretty quickly, as I believe that their relationship with each other will in many ways supercede their relationship with me.

Now I've got just one monkey in there, and it is back to "me and you." It is a nice, sort of a quiet bonding I get to experience.

At the same time, I'd have to say I don't feel overly bonded to Bedo yet. I mean I worry about it, I love it, and I look forward to meeting it, but I think when you already have kids you spend so much time worrying/thinking about them that you don't have time to focus on the one in the womb until it actually arrives. You just forget how much you will love it. Well that and there are lots of days lately when I'm so worn out dealing with the two I have I think "How the hell am I going to handle another?" So maybe there is some denial. And not knowing the gender probably affects the bonding capabilities--I was in a store the other day and for the first time I REALLY wanted to buy something for Bedo but couldn't not knowing the gender. And this may sound weird, but I miss being able to compare movements in the womb. With C and D I could get a sense of their personalities. C was always moving, always ready to play if I pushed her around. D was much quieter, but occasionally she'd decide she wasn't happy with something and she'd kick the sh*t out of my bladder (and her sister's head). With Bedo all I can say is that she/he really likes to push my belly button out as far as it can go (and if you've seen my awful outtie, you know that is pretty far).

At any rate, look for lots of gushing posts when the baby comes out and I realize "Holy sh*t, I now have this new baby that I ALSO adore!"