Physical Therapy

My ped agreed to physical therapy for D, and now I'm very torn about it. At a simple level there is the issue of time...my ped said it could end up being very time consuming, and that time would be babysitting or mom time I'd have to use because C couldn't come with me. I have limited help hours each week, and while I need to start adding more in for these things, I'd rather my alone time w/ D be fun.

At the next level my concern is that by sending D to PT I'm not letting her find her way to walking on her own. What if she is just getting there in her own time? My ped said she would normally wait until 18 mos but she was willing to start earlier. As painful as it is for me to watch her be frustrated, maybe it's what she needs to breakthrough?

At a high level, I am torn about what this says to D and about its implications on my parenting style. I believe that toddlers, even babies, perceive a lot more than we might think. D knows she's behind C right now...if I send her to therapy, am I signaling to her that she needs to be more in line w/ C? Am I saying it isn't alright for her to be different? Am I being a good parent helping my child or a stage mom upset that her kid isn't in line w/ everyone else? Having preemies has taught me so much in terms of loving your children for who they are and not what they accomplish, but maybe I have my limit and I'm imposing it on her? Or I'm just tired of watching her struggle...but isn't that what parenting is all about?

If she were 18 months and my ped/the developmental center said "do it" I wouldn't think twice. On the flip side, if I didn't have some non-physical concerns about D, I'd probably wait the next two months before I got her into PT. But instead I sit somewhere in the middle, not sure whether I'm helping her get the help she needs early or preventing her from finding her way on her own. I know, this really isn't a huge deal, but how I handle it is kind of a big deal to me.

Then again, if PT includes a big blue exercise ball, C is going to wish she could get in on it too..:-)

Tourist Attraction

The Palace of Fine Arts is FULL of tourists--many of them Asian--on nice days. For some reason, they love c and d. More times than I'd like to admit, they ask to take their pictures with them. I find this bizarre. I mean yes, I've done something similar while traveling (see "Exhibit A") but let's be honest, C/D aren't nearly that cool (though they do smell better). And they aren't gorgeous either. I don't say this to be mean--I'm their mother so I think they are the most amazing things in the world--I'm just being objective. With babies it's all about the eyes...my girls got their mama's boring brown eyes. If I had two PPs or AEs w/ gorgeous blue eyes, I might understand more.

At first the picture requests creeped me, but now I find them rather amusing. The girls, however, don't. Here's a shot of C telling one of them just how much she dislikes being a tourist attraction (right before D started wailing).

Radio Silence

I'd like to give a reason for my radio silence in the last few weeks. I don't really have one though. I mean I could give many different ones, but nothing really stands out. Andrew's been gone a lot, but after my previous posts during his long absence started to make me look 'desperate' I decided to hold off for awhile. Here's what's been going on:


Mother's Day: On Sunday I went to the Bar Method AND got to go running with Andrew and the girls. Then my mom came over and we went and saw a terrible movie. During the movie I felt terrible...I came home and it got worse. By monday morning I had a fever of 102+ and I was so sick that I thought I was going to pass out. The girls were scared because their mother was literally lying on the floor of the kitchen because she was too sick to stand. Long story short, turns out I had the beginnings of a kidney infection. Thank god for drugs. I was better in a few days.


Work: I'm sort of "on the beach." This has been good to catch up a bit, and good because I realize that I really enjoy working @ the amount that I do. I become less productive with less to do. The problem has been that I haven't found a client to really get psyched about... so that is my new objective...find a client I love.

Development: C and D are behind for their age. In some ways, way behind. Sometimes I forget how far...like when I ask someone if their six month old is "sitting up" and the person politely responds "actually they are crawling." Oops. Anyplace we go w/ other kids is a constant reminder of their delayed status because everone does EVERYTHING before them. Ok, not everything, people are impressed w/ how independently c/d crawl up and slide down the slides by themselves. This may be a personality thing or a 'sorry ladies, you just have one mom so you're going to have to figure this out on your own,' but hey, I'll take it.

C is walking well now, to the point that she refuses to crawl. D is so so so frustrated because she is not walking. She wants to so badly---she spends all day attached to this walking tool we have (she's like a little old lady moving all around the house w/ her walker in tow). She leans up against anything she can to stand up. I can tell that she now 'gets' it--that C is walking and she isn't. It breaks my heart for her, and I honestly think she needs physical therapy because her body just doesn't seem to be able to support her...

There are other things that worry me about D sometimes, and I can't tell if they are just personality differences between the two, frustration over not walking, or signs that something just isn't right with her. I know that early intervention is the key to mitigating the impact of developmental delays, and I have to act as her greatest advocate, so I've been trying to get her seen before our next developmental check up. I spoke to the head of the child development center and she recommended a PT who she thinks could also recognize the early signs of other potential problems. I got in touch with her thanks to my amazing and kick ass OBGYN (if I were a lesbian I would go after someone just like her). So keep your fingers crossed that A) D's ok, and B) we can get her the help she needs.

Memorial Weekend: We went down to Carmel. Very fun, except yucky weather meant we never got to swim. We did get to check out the Carmel fire station. As you can see, D is already thinking of being a firewoman for Halloween (though I know she'd choose to be a garbage woman first).

TV: I think I might be the only person who still watches Lost...if I'm not, how awful was the finale? I mean I don't want to think that after they struggle to get off the island their lives are going to suck EVEN more?! Are they begging me to take it off my DVR?

And now we're pretty much caught up...

Big Things, Little Things

I don't see big things like I used to... or at least fancied that I did. I used to travel. I'm not going to lie, travel is the thing I miss most about having kids.
I used to live in different places... in fact, I don't think I spent more than 18 months in any one apartment until the one I'm in now. Now I feel like my world is incredibly small--I spend 90% of my time w/in a 3 mile radius of my home. I'm not exactly expanding my horizons with new places and faces. Sometimes I miss the "big things."

But, then again, I'm rediscovering little things. I know our garbage man's name, and I wave to him every Tuesday morning. Every bus that passes by is exciting. Bubbles...how cool are bubbles! Trampolines...you can fall on trampolines....and they don't hurt! Fire engines are big, beautiful, and awe inspiring. Forks...they make every bite more interesting. Hats are fun! Straws...awesome. Everything looks better from the seat of a Radio Flyer wagon. And does ANYTHING taste as good as vanilla ice cream??!!

Someday I hope I'll have the time and resources to discover more of the Big Things with the ones I love. But somehow I know that when I do, I'll wish I could go back to the days when I spent my time seeing all the Little Things.

Smug Alert

I think that my posts have taken on a certain smugness to them, and I'm starting to make even myself sick...sorry for those of you (all 5 of you) who read this... I realize you don't care if some random stranger who watched me for 30 minutes thinks i'm a good mom. ugh, can't believe i posted that... I think I was just staring down the barrel of a week of solitude and I needed to pat myself on the back. but i'm over it.

A few random thoughts I'll share since I'm home ALONE, AGAIN.
--I feel bad for LaKisha...she NEEDS the money more than anyone else in that group since she's a single mom. And she did better than Blake last night but she's too similar to the other two candidates. I think I'm gunning for Melinda--Jordin is ANNOYING, and Blake, while interesting, sort of turned me off last night..i mean i lived in the 80s, I don't need to see a guy impersonate a british popstar from the 80s. Melinda does look like Shrek, as my brother pointed out, but I think she might be the best one of the remaining three. Though I think Blake might be the most marketable, and if he loses he could be this year's Daughtry. I actually think this season hasn't produced anyone that I think is clearly marketable...ok, maybe Jordin, but again, a little too annoying for me.
--I think I might actually take Grey's Anatomy off my Tivo list next season. And that spinoff looks awful..where old tv stars go to die.
--I'm a little disappointed w/ Entourage this year too. For several reasons, but one of them being that the show is supposed to be 30 minutes and half of them don't top 24 minutes..one was only 21 minutes!

And in munchkin news, miss d has a big knot on her noggin tonight from a spill she took at the park today (she was w/ Kallie). I tried to ice it, but she HATES anything near her face so it was a no go. I have pics for them next week and we've got a knot on the forehead w/ one and a bruise below the eye w/ the other. Hope they heal quickly!

Ok, off to bed,and yes, i'm too tired to watch end of AI, so I just googled it to find out who got the boot.

Pictures for Daddy...

Wow, the week has been a little hellish. It has been really hot for SF, c/d have been TERRIBLE sleepers for past several nights (literally worst nights and days of sleeping in 6 months). Asthma, teething, and then just sleep deprivation are to blame I think.

I am posting some things for A since he's out of town. Here you go bug, this is what c/d have been up to when they aren't crying : )

5.2007

Pick me ups

Andrew left for a week this morning. Not that sweet. And it is absurdly hot today. So I took the girls to the beach. I ran into a friend who has 1 year old identical twins (plus another daughter 16 months older!) there with her husband, and I was feeling a little sorry for myself.

First pick me up: As I was getting us ready to leave the beach, a woman came up to me and said "maam, I just have to say that I've been watching you, and you are such a good mother. You are so patient and so kind to them. You are lucky to have them but they are lucky to have you." I could have KISSED her--it could not have come at a better time.

Second pick me up: I invited myself over to the Glotzbachs in the afternoon. The Greens and Glotzbachs were hanging out and the three Dodson girls got to join in the fun. They have a slide, playhouse, and kiddie pool in the backyard, and c/d were in HEAVEN. It was a great way to end the weekend, and I definitely appreciated the chance to be w/ other adults.

15 Month Checkup

Yesterday we had our 15 month checkup. And it was a bit of a disaster. In general, I do things like doctor visits by myself. I do this for two reasons: I don't want to have a low deal factor, and I don't have a lot of help during the week and so I want to be very efficient w/ that help time. But at the same time, I don't want to be one of those mothers who kinda acts like "I have kids, so what do you want me to do about it?" and puts everyone else out. And this time I was the pain in the ass patient of the day.

As for stats: C is 21lb, 30inches long, and D is 19lb, 29 inches long. C is 25-50th percentile for height (yeah!), 1o-15th percentile for weight, and 75-100th percentile for head. D is 10-25th percentile for length, 3rd percentile for weight, and 50-75th percentile for head. Of course, i'm a little worried they measured them too long, but if they didn't, then I think that shows some real progress! At least they are on the charts! As for weight, she told me to just keep doing what I'm doing. My friend Suzanne has the same doctor, and she was much more concerned about her twins weight even though they weighed about the same as D at twelve months...but I guess that since c/d continue to grow, albeit slowly, she's less concerned. They continue to have big noggins---I hope this equates to big brains and that they will grow into their heads...having a big head can be a real bummer.

Based on what I told her about their verbal skills, and their reaction to her, she said she thought they were actually closer to their actual age than their adjusted age w/ regards to verbal development. Very good news. She did think that D might need physical therapy, based on the fact that she isn't walking and she hunches over while sitting (her trunk appears weak). Unfortunately we probably won't be able to diagnose that for sure until their next Developmental Checkup in July. We also discussed D's chest issues, and I think she is very close to being discussed with asthma. She has been wheezing a lot lately, and I think I am going to need to start getting educated about asthma. (I have read up a little bit, and I am SO glad that I switched all my cleaning products to eco-friendly/natural. I hate cleaning but I have this weird new obsession w/ cleaning products. I didn't want c/d anywhere near harsh cleaning products, and now I'm reading that regular cleaning products can increase the effects of asthma).

I recently ran across an article about preemies that totally upset me, but I just have to keep hoping for the best. I wonder what it must be like to go through those appointments with no concerns whatsoever. But then maybe everyone has concerns and it is just all relative...

Things People Say...

About once a year the twins club here lists out the most ridiculous comments people w/ twins have heard in its newsletter. I decided I'd do a short list of my own:

--"Identical?" (I say "yes"). "A boy and a girl?"
While this comment gets old, at least I can enjoy the ridiculousness of it... : )

--"How do you tell them apart?"
This one doesn't bother me, it is just difficult to respond to... I mean the answer is "i'm their mother" or "they are two totally different people" but I know what they are really asking is "How would I tell them apart?" So I answer w/ things like "one is smaller" or "one has smaller eyes"--but it feels weird because I guarantee you that no mother of twins needs to think about how to tell her kids apart.

--"Do they have different personalities?"
Again, I understand what they are trying to ask, but has any mother ever responded with "No, their personalities are the same. They are like the same person."

--"A boy and a girl? How perfect!"
This comment might be the reason that I put c/d in pink all the time. It shouldn't bother me when people say this, but they always look so disappointed when I say "no, two girls" that I want to hurt them. I could go on and on about the whole boys vs. girls issue, and I'm sure I will, but in another post..... :-)

--"I like (insert C or D's name here) better."
I hear this from people at the park, and jokingly from distant friends and even relatives. I know people are sort of joking, but somehow w/ twins they think it is perfectly acceptable to joke about this, and in doing so they imply that a choice should be made. I'm so tempted to say back "well I like (insert one of their kid's names) better." Try telling someone w/ kids of different ages that you like one better, see the reaction you get. I don't think they will get the 'joke' either.

And my absolute favorite:
--"Twins? You are getting it all done at once!"
I actually find this one offensive. The implication here is that two is the right number of children to have....and it might be, for THAT person. But it isn't for me. This one drives me so nuts that I try to respond in a way that points out to people how judgmental it is... (because I don't think most people who say it do so w/ ill will). Looking at it another way, we don't say to people w/ two kids "You should have another." (Can you tell I've heard this one a lot?!)

Sorry, every once in awhile I just have to vent, and Andrew is out of town so much I don't have anyone to vent to these days. :-)