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C, laying horizontally on Andrew's lap, looking up at him from below.

C: "Daddy you have a mustache in your nose."

16 weeks

If pregnancy is any indication of the difference between having one kid at a time vs. two, then sign me up for a few more because (with one exception) this is thus far a cake walk compared to last time.

First, the exception: I was actually sicker I think this time around. It is hard to tell because I think it is just generally a lot tougher to be pregnant when you already have a kid (because there is no coming home from work at 5 or 6 and just LAYING on the couch for a few hours, which is what I did last time). I also think we have selective memories with pregnancy. But where as last time I remember several weeks of feeling carsick around 5pm every night, this time I have had legitimate nausea, on and off, unpredictably and often related to food or fatigue, for about 9 weeks. It hasn't been that bad, but it hasn't been that good either.

But why is it easier? Well the biggest one is that this is not a high risk pregnancy so I don't lay awake at night worrying that the next ultrasound will show signs of TTTS or that D's heart will have a life threatening defect (due to having a single umbilical artery). I don't have people saying "I wouldn't rush to do the nursery just yet." I am not scouring websites for more terrible info. Yes, all pregnancies hold risks, but the odds are HEAVILY in my favor this time around. Such a better feeling.

Other positives--I don't have a gazillion appointments. (Instead of >25 ultrasounds we will have 3, and unless something changes there will be no weekly fetal heart monitoring). My doctor's appointments are more like catch up with my awesome doctor, hear a heartbeat, and leave. So freakin' easy!! I feel free to exercise (still running even, though less). And selfishly, I'm not putting on the lbs quite as fast. I'm still in most of my regular clothes, which I was definitely out of by this time with c/d. (Think I'm also carrying higher which helps). I was expecting to get big fast w/ a second pregnancy and this has been a very welcome surprise. My rib cage hasn't gotten out of control (yet) either. Still wearing a 32 bra instead of the 36 that I was in by the time last time. I've gained 2lbs so far, as opposed to 7 at this time w/ c/d.

The only thing Andrew laments is that my cravings have been the one distinct difference between this pregnancy and last. Last time I was all about carbs (pasta, pizza, burritos, lasagna) and sweets. This one has been much more about salt, meat, dairy or fruit. I could live on cheese (gorgonzola or manchego, mmm), hot dogs (i know, i know, nitrates), ribs, with some plain yogurt and fruit thrown in. Lately I've been eating a favorite of my grandmother's--tomatoes with mayo, salt and pepper. Mmmmmm. Burritos, pasta, pizza, and even chocolate chip cookies don't sound all that appealing. Cravings change though, and I know he's really hoping they veer back in the carb direction.

Little Bums

Reward on the first 'accident free' day---butterfly balloons.

We bit the potty training bullet. I fought it as long as I could, but C/D were clearly capable of peeing in the potty and seemed so into the whole thing that I figured the time was now. To fight my laziness, I went cold turkey. We went to Target and picked out some underwear (D picked Thomas--and please don't tell her they are boys briefs--and C picked mermaid). That might have been the biggest seller. That and their introduction to M&Ms.

The first day we hung out around the house for as long as I could possibly stand it. And since my house is actually an apartment--not that long. We had one accident from D and two from C the first day. Since then we've had a few accidents but its gone much better than I expected.

The worst parts?

1. HUGE pain in the ass. So much process to every potty, that much more time to get out of the house, more gear to bring, always worrying about whether they need to go.

2. They are still pooping often in diapers at bedtime/naptime so it isn't like there's no diaper changes to be done.

3. Constipation.

4. Public restrooms. Public restrooms. Public restrooms.

The best parts?

1. Their little bums!!!! I get to grab their cute little bums and feel bum instead of diaper! And they look so cute in those little underpants--even if they are often highly commercialized boys briefs.

2. Watching them pick out the m&m reward. One of my top moments in life. It says everything about being a little kid. Adults don't even think about grabbing a handful but a little girl studies her options, considering color and any flaws on the one she's considering. She takes a bite and savors it. She shows me that "there is chocolate inside." Sometimes she asks for two but doesn't expect to get it. She's thrilled with the one (and their favorite color by a long shot? BROWN).

3. Watching them glow with pride. The very first day we switched to big girl underwear we ventured out to the closest park for 40 minutes. While there C struck up a conversation with a 6 year old. She was going to Montana the next day and C says "I need to look that up on my map." And "You'll ride the magic carpet--it's at the airport." Then they ventured into other topics and the girl tells her she loves to swim. C asks "Do you do the backstroke like my cousin?" (Not life shattering talk I know, but it was like watching my baby become a little girl right in front of my eyes). At one point I asked D/C if their big girl underwear was still dry. The girl looks a little horrified, like maybe, she'd been conversing with--god forbid--babies! She asks suspiciously, "Are they still wearing diapers?" C, with the proudest look I've ever seen on her sweet little face, beams "No, no. I'm wearing BIG GIRL UNDERPANTS!" and grabs her bum for emphasis.

Daddy All Day

Every Sat morning C and D's first words are "Daddy ALL DAY." (Sometimes they get confused and say this on a weekday...bummer). Well this weekend they got a big hit of Daddy. They were going through Daddy withdrawal because he'd been gone all week, so they wanted nothing to do with me anyway (fine by me!). On Sunday Andrew had them for much of the day as I was at my Mom's for Andrea's (Sister-in-law) baby shower.

They had a fun-filled weekend. They started both mornings with a 'golf picnic'--after getting hot chocolate and bagels they sat and ate breakfast while watching the British Open with Andrew. Although sometimes it annoys me that he turns the TV on with them, I generally jump off my tv soap box for sports. As long as he's teaching them about the sport and engaging with them (as opposed to watching while they play around him) I'm all for it. And they actually enjoy it! They get upset when the golf is interrupted by a commercial or an interview (and it's GOLF). Maybe watching sports doesn't lead to playing, but right now I'm betting on some kind of causal effect. (My only beef w/ him is that he needs to watch more female sports).


So first some sports, then a trip to the park. I love how Andrew comes home and tells me things I've been telling him for weeks. He says to me "They are fearless to the point of reckless at the park. They climb up everything and anything and swing off everything and anything. Other parents were freaking out as I was catching one and the other was standing at the top of a huge dome she'd climbed up." Oh really? You don't say? Now imagine having another baby in a bjorn and dealing with the--literally--monkeys. Good fun! (Who are the jackasses having three in three??!)

I knew they'd spent a lot of time w/ A this weekend when I was reading them a bedtime story and there's a pic of a rabbit sliding down a staircase. D points and says "He shouldn't do that. That's dangerous. He's going to fall down and get a cast on his leg. Just like Sergio."

And C corrects her, "No Dylan. Sergio doesn't have a cast. Tiger has a cast. So he can't play."

Two and a Half

Yesterday you turned two and a half Pookalooks!!!!! And I love love love love love you.

Here's who you are today, at least according to your mother.

Both of you:

• You are obsessed with bandaids. My bandaid budget is probably $100 a year right now (and my indulgent mother's is probably $300). Those Dora, Car and Thomas bandaids are freakin' expensive! You generally like to put them on your shirts when you get hurt. You've also been known to put them on "broken trees" to make them heal.



• In addition to bandaids, you make me spend a lot more than I ever dreamed on kids' sunglasses and goggles. Two things you love, two things I lose.



• You think it is funny to call Andrew "Andrew."



• You crack yourselves up. You use made up words that only the two of you know. "Dada" "Pee-da-ta" and "Bedo" are current favs.



• Sometimes while I'm making dinner you'll pretend something is a phone and "call" Amicis and "order a pizza." I can't even begin to tell you how demoralizing that is, though I still laugh out loud.



• You say a few words wrong. Inside out is still "unside out" and something is "Mise" and not "mine." The other day Andrew corrected you and I almost cried. I like those wrong words.



• You really can't count. At all.



• Your bedtime ritual gets longer every day, and it drives me crazy. Your latest is that you have to say the same litany to me right as I leave. You say it very fast, with no breaks, and it something along the lines of "Don't take off your diaper don't pee and poop in your pants i love you sleep tight"



• You still love "your friends"--Lion, Lion, Giraffe, Bunny, Cow. Cow is kind of a second class citizen, and you willingly give him to Mommy and Daddy to "share" at bedtime.



• Your new thing is to switch it up even at bedtime. Bunny is D's but C covets it so D usually lets her sleep with it. You've basically switched beds now too. But you could switch beds for 3 months and it would still be the other person's bed in your mind.

Dylan:

• You are 33.5" (5th percentile) tall and you weigh 25 lbs (10th).



• You are still a little wobbly at times but you appear to have gotten a lot stronger in the past few months. You fall a lot less. When you swing on monkey bars you can raise your knees really high for long periods of time. You are just starting to jump, though sometimes it is more of a trot.



• You sometimes use this very nasally voice.



• You are obsessed with Elmo Hiding diapers.



• You are still a little toughy, but it manifests itself in odd ways. A butterfly at the butterfly exhibit can scare the sh*t out of you but you have no problem swinging from anything and everything and climbing higher than I can reach up to help you. If I don't pay attention to you when you hurt yourself (even when it CLEARLY hurt based on the sound alone) you often just power through.



• Your favorite colors are red and blue.



• You are getting pretty good at identifying some letters. I mean you don't know the letters, but you know the words that start with them.



• You are incredibly particular about what you wear. If I let you, you would wear one of two things every day--your giraffe dress (from Maemae) or your blue shirt w/ the red airplane on it (from Aunt Roey).



• You are currently thinking about being either a giraffe or a scuba diver (anything to wear goggles) for Halloween. Advantage: giraffe.



• You are a little bit devilish. The other day I was trying to get you out of the house and you were lollygagging. I started one of my stupidly inane threats (MUST find real ones for situations like that) "If you don't start getting ready..." and you smiled and finished it for me with a very impish look... "I guess I can't go with you." It was like fast forwarding 10 (or maybe 4) years. I am very, very afraid.



• You think you are hilarious when I ask you what book you want and you say "Pottery Barn Kids" or "Discovery Museum Book" or something else that doesn't exist. Tee hee hee.



• You are a minimalist at bedtime. One blanket, one book (if that).



• You are generally VERY willing to share or switch with your sister. And believe me, she asks you to switch things with her A LOT.

Charlotte:

• You are 34.3 inches tall (10-25th percentile) and you weigh @28lbs (25th-50th!).



• You have just learned to jump in the last month. Can't hop yet but we're working on it.



• Sometimes you talk out of one side of your mouth, like a ventriloquist. Sometimes you talk in this big loud voice w/ your mouth shaped like an O, particularly to Andrew.



• You love to look for American flags and "Bear flags." You'll find one and then say "Good eye Charwotte!"



• You like to sing "Happy Birthday Hamerica" too. You always end the song with "yeahh!!!"



• You are currently thinking about being either a mermaid or Jeff Bagwell (retired Astro) for Halloween. Advantage: mermaid.



• You are starting to love puzzles! We have two Dora/Diego puzzles and you like to do them over and over.



• When I give you stickers you will put them on your arm, leg, chest or paper, one after the other in the same spot, layered on top of each other. I don't get it.



• You are a hoarder at bedtime. 5+ blankets, that I have to put on just the right way, and as many books as you can swindle.



• You love your sister and tell her so often.

And your mother is sorely lagging on the picture front this month. Pictures of our cupcake outing to celebrate the big 2.5 to come...

Desperately Bad Housewife

I think I'm a decent Mom. And I'm motivated to be a better one. But I KNOW I'm a terrible 'house manager'. And the real problem? I don't give a rat's ass.

For as difficult as it can be, I love being a Mom. And its pretty easy to get motivated to try to be a better mother because they payoff is, at least in theory, happier, healthier kids. I see my friends feeding their kids awesome lunches and I'm motivated to feed my kids better. While I don't read as much as my should I enjoy learning what I can about their development, etc., and I wish I knew more. Whether or not I'm any good is less important to me than wanting to be good. And while it may be called a "thankless" job, at this age at least, you get so many payoffs in the day to day interactions with your kids. No review I've had at work has ever been as satisfying as having my kids jump in my arms and tell me they love me.

But when it comes to being a 'head of the house' I find very little satisfaction in it. If anything, I resent it. I know that being home so much more than Andrew means I should be the one taking care of things in "the home" but what makes you a good mother doesn't translate to all this other crap. I suck at cooking, I'm not nearly enough organized, I have zero interior design sense, and I'm not a control freak. Which are pretty much a lot of the things you need to manage a house well.

I keep trying to find a way to find some kind of satisfaction in these activities. Cooking is the only one I'm really motivated to get better at, because the payoff is tangible and there is a very social aspect to it. But everything else seems so damn thankless. And yet I know our lives would be better if I got better at some of this stuff. And I'd be less resentful of them if I figured out a way to do/manage them better. My longer term goal is to work enough that I can outsource almost all of it. But in the shorter term (as I know I'll work less/take months off after #3) I am going to try to get better at a few of them (cooking, organization), and then more efficiently outsource the stuff I really despise/resent (laundry, picking up after EVERYONE in the house).

Ugh. Wish me luck.

If only...

Yesterday morning Andrew and I were hustling to get the girls over to my mom's for a 'slumber party night' so we could go up to Napa with a group of HBS friends in town for the weekend. (Thank you Mom and Chris!!!) Andrew had gone out with the girls to pick up bagels and they were back sitting on the couch eating them. He showed the girls the Wherethehellismatt video and I come in to find C and D huddled next to Andrew, bopping up and down to the music (my kids never look so angelic as when I am about to escape them for a little R&R :)). Andrew was pointing out all the different places to C/D.

I said to them "Someday you can visit all those places too."

C looks at me and with the sweetest smile ever and says "With Mommy and Daddy."

And all that went through my mind was "Oh god, but by then you won't want to go with us!"

I almost cried just thinking about it.

Missing Mr. Mathis

Once, sometime during my dad's 5 month stint at Stanford for a bone marrow transplant, our house alarm went off in the middle of the night. I ran into my parents' room. My mom picked up the phone, forgot that our alarm used the phone line to call the police, and panicked. "They've cut the phone lines! Go get your brothers!" Now let's just ignore the fact that she could have been sending me into the arms of a burglar. I ran and got my brothers. Then we stood on the little porch outside my mom's room and yelled for our neighbors. About 3 minutes later Mr. Mathis (think large, burly man w/ a red face) showed up at our front door--with a SHOT GUN.

Never mind that Mr. Mathis had a serious drinking problem. Never mind that I'm all for gun control. I don't sleep as well when Andrew's out of town. Lately it has been so bad I find myself watching Wings at 3am because I can't get back to sleep after getting up to use the bathroom (ahh, pregnancy). And I start calculating how I'd get my girls out of the house in case of an emergency. And I start hearing things. And I get up and double check that I locked the doors. And I wish I had a Mr. Mathis living next door--just in case.

Addendum

To last post:

1. For those of you minivan drivers out there, don't be offended. I have a sinking feeling I'll be joining your ranks kicking and screaming before long.

2. Speaking of minivan owners, Krista, I realized the other day, is C/D's idol. I can understand why--she does really cool stuff. The girls like planes. I told them Krista flies planes. They saw an F14 in Carmel recently and all day we talked about the "jet girl" inside and what she was doing. They referred to the Jet Girl as "Just like Krista." They watched Krista run a triathlon. They saw her come out of the ocean, and somehow KNEW that was really cool. They now talk about how mermaids swim in the ocean-- "Just like Krista." Awesome.

3. I'm frightened to admit this, but I'm not sure I got that firefighter picture right!!! I think it might be D on the right. Oh sh*t! Must go back and start labeling all pics. And yes, I think they are getting closer in size, which is making it tougher for non-parents to tell them apart too! We weighed them recently--C is almost 28lbs and D is 25. But I think they are only about an inch apart now in height. If you know who is who in that pic, tell me!

I'm going to have 3 kids and....

...I can't cook.
...I live in a 2 bedroom apartment.
...we have one bathroom.
...I still mentally think of myself as the target age group for Vegas.
...I loathe minivans.
...I miss buying expensive shoes.
...I'm going to have to learn zone defense.

Lately thoughts like this have been rushing through my mind. Maybe its the hormones, maybe it is just practicality talking. Maybe if I'd first made the jump from one to two I wouldn't be so freaked out by the number THREE. But since I started w/ two it sounds manageable. Mano a mano. Cars are all built for two kids. Most houses are built for two kids. Most vacations are built for two kids. But three?

And if I'm being honest, the other thought that keeps going through my mind is "WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING?" (And I'm pretty sure that one has flashed through Andrew's mind once or twice, because he's said it OUT LOUD).

Ok, so I know what we were thinking. I have always known I wanted at least 3 kids. Andrew decided he wanted 3 sometime after that life changing "yeah, it's twins" ultrasound in June of 05. And it wasn't like it happened overnight (looking back...THANK GOD). But now it is official I think we both walk around with these permanent looks of fear/bemusement--sort of like "I know, we're clueless idiots, but it will all be awesome someday, right??? And really, how hard can one more be??!"

Of course, I know what we were thinking. We were thinking that watching C/D be so close is one of the highlights of our lives. We were thinking that we have two little girls who love each other in a way we never would have dreamed. We were thinking that we needed to give this next little one at least a shot at getting into the fold. We were thinking that if they were much more than 3 years apart that might not happen. We were thinking C/D should have a sibling who isn't like looking in a mirror. We were thinking that I am not getting any younger (Andrew, on the other hand, never gets any freakin' closer to me in age, damn it). And well, we were thinking that you can't plan for these things too much.

Mind you, we don't talk about "It" much at all. I think we're both a little freaked out. Besides, we really don't need to DO anything to prepare because lord knows we have two of everything. Well, except two bedrooms for kids. Small issue. So our 'baby talk' takes the form of emails back and forth saying "Check out this apartment." Which is probably fine for now. Of course, don't be surprised if we name the kid Craigslist.
There's room for one more in this basket, right?? (C=right)

Double Header

Two great weekends in a row.

First: Sonoma! The Glotzbachs, Dholakias, Weiss', and Dodsons bravely headed up to one house in Sonoma for the weekend. Julie found an awesome place with beautiful grounds and enough room for 9 adults and 6 little girls...HS! Even without perfect weather the entire time (though a little cold better than blazing hot) we had a great time. Lots of playing in the water, a boys/kids trip to Train Town, more Trivial Pursuit than was healthy, and some great food thanks to almost everyone but me. We left only wishing we could do it more often (and that one of us owned a place like that). On Sunday Team Dodson headed up to Rocklin, above Sacramento, for Andrew's office picnic. Odd location I know, but we were the guests of one of Andrew's portfolio companies--a wetlands mitigation banking company. It was AWESOME. It started with a presentation of wild animals--from a bald eagle to a beaver and a baby bear--and went on to include pony rides, a great lunch, a bounce house, a tractor ride around the land, balloon animal making, and a balloon toss. C and D were overwhelmed...every time something new showed up it was "I want to do that!" It appears C and D are "tryers" and nothing could make me happier.

Then last weekend we headed down to Carmel for the 4th of July weekend. We had great weather and more of a great time. D's first words in the morning and after nap were "I'm ready to go swimming now." Tehama had a 4th of July party that was just about our speed (and included the most incredible balloon maker and face painter I've ever seen--I'd show pics but it turns out that face painting is one thing c/d have no interest in 'trying.') Lots of fun with Gram and Sam and Andrew and I got some nice breaks (which even included seeing a movie--I made Andrew see the Hulk because I have an odd Edward Norton obsession. Unfortunately there was too much Hulk, not enough Ed Norton).

Here are some videos of the Sonoma weekend and pics from both weekends. In the first one the part of the annoylingly loud mother is played by me. It seems I am playing that part way too often lately.