Neutralizing Vacation Afterglow

This post was going to be all about our trip...finally...to Hawaii. I was going to talk about how we first got there and didn't know what to do with ourselves we were so unused to having free time. Then I was going to talk about how the weather wasn't great but we made the best of it. We went for a great hike to a secluded beach, we explored the south part of the island, we had a great couples massage on the beach, blah blah blah.

I didn't expect that this post would end with me saying "OMG I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open." But that is in fact the case. No, I'm not jetlagged--taking the redeye back turned out to be a great call (or would have been). I'm tired because I got 3 hours of sleep last night (maybe). I don't know how to make this too short of a story, but here are the basics. D started coughing/wheezing Sat am, and on Sunday afternoon she started to worry me a little. For the first time she had these coughing episodes where I thought

I left the house at 6pm and got back at 11pm, after 3 breathing treatments, an x-ray, and a whole lot of crying. Poor little Miss D. What started out as a night with me saying "hmm, I should probably take her in tomorrow morning, but maybe I'll call the after hours line to get some advice if things get worse tonight" ended up with me begging the doctor to let me take her home rather than admit her (she did, but only if I agreed to get up every hour to check on her). I ended up staying up until 3am checking on her, then woke up 5 times between 3 and 7 to check on her or give her breathing treatments.

And now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the hell happened, why I feel like such a terrible mother (ok, I know why I do, I guess I'm just wondering if it is true). I mean let's not even go into the fact that I feel terribly selfish for leaving my girls. I feel so awful that I debated calling the doctor and then had to fight to take her home. And we even took them to see the Blue Angels at Fleet Week on Sunday afternoon (the BEST weekend of the year in SF).

Anyway, the good news is that D is MUCH better this am, and she even went to the doctors without crying today. (There was a lot of "NO SHOTS" but she did blow the doctors kisses and even said "See you later alligator"--ok, it doesn't sound anything like that, but I know what she is trying to say). The doctor I'm seeing is not my regular doctor...she is on maternity leave...and she thinks we should call this what I think it is...asthma. She also said that none of the other doctors in the practice want to call it that just yet...and yet if I see it from the perspective of A) prevention, and B) my approach, I think calling it asthma helps me view things in a very different light.

So for now, I think we can say D has asthma. And my dr. claims it probably wasn't prematurity (though that couldn't have helped) since D didn't need oxygen assistance at birth. More likely it is genetic (Andrew had it, and many in his family had it). So I'm going to take classes on it, take notes on all D's treatments, and hopefully help her fight it.

I almost feel like we didn't take a vacation the 'relaxed feeling' left us both so quickly.