I (Heart) NY

I am sitting here in JFK waiting to fly home. I am exhausted, but glad that this project is over. It was a frustrating trip in some ways because while I had planned to have everything done before I left for the trip, for various reasons I basically had to redo the entire presentation over the weekend (long story). Since I hadn't gotten much sleep the previous few weeks, this wasn't that sweet. So instead of seeing friends who live in NY, I worked through 80% of the weekend. I guess it was a good thing I waited to make plans with anyone, because I didn't have time in the end.

The one big bright spot was that I got to see my friend Jane and her husband Kevin. They live such a different life than me in every way possible, and it was so fun to get to experience it for a day. Even the brief time I spent just being lazy with them in their (unbelievable) new apartment was a lot of fun (and a luxury). (Don't get me wrong, they are lazy on Sundays because they live ridiculously interesting lives the rest of the week.)

Unfortunately for Kevin, I often make him tell me all about how premature he was (3.5 months, spent his first year in the hospital) because it makes me feel better about the girls' chances in life. (This time around I learned that he grew 4 inches in college and 1.5 inches in LAW school..he's convinced it was because he was so premature that he just grew late..there's hope yet!!!)

As stressful as the trip was, it is ALWAYS great to be in NY. I love NY. One of my biggest regrets thus far in life is that I didn't live there in my 20s. But I figure never say never, I never thought I'd get to live in Paris either (course, that probably means that to make NY fun I'd need to get Jweiss and Suds to join me--I think the Manray in NYC has a fountain I can fall into just as easily). Paris will always be the city-love of my life, but I'd like to have an affair w/ NYC.

The presentation itself went better than I thought it would given last minute changes, and it was a more senior audience than I had expected. I could go on and on about all the mixed feelings that I had about work/life balance while on this trip--about working, traveling without kids, etc. But I'll just say this: the biggest rub of motherhood is that you get no "rush" from a sense of accomplishment. I'm sure I will get a "rush" from a lot of things my children do in life...but those will--and should--be THEIR accomplishments, not mine. And while I'm sure it will in many ways be more gratifying than anything I have accomplished, it isn't the same. It isn't that same "I just kicked ass" or "People liked my work" or "I just impressed someone" feeling. It just isn't, and while I'd take motherhood first any day, I miss the rush. And I am not willing to give it up completely. And it is hard to get that rush without truly investing in work. And the search for balance goes on...

As for what was going on while I was gone? Fun, fun, fun. D/C LOVED having alone time w/ Daddy, and he loved it even more. I really think Andrew loved having them all to himself. They are back to being Daddy's Girls and seem downright disappointed when I wake them up in the morning. They also picked up a few phrases, like "No work!" "Byebye work!" "Daddy all day!" And it was kind of cool to hear them say "Mama...Airplane."

C/D miss him so much while he's at work now they'll even use remotes to try to call him.