Deal, or No Deal?

Warning: long post w/ long explanations (so I can selfishly remember each moment well!)

D and C are learning to share, and more recently, to trade. It started w/ sharing. We introduced sharing at a VERY early age--they picked it up quickly, mostly out of necessity. Watching them share is more touching than I can describe.

They are both good sharers, but C might be the sweetest sharer in the world. She thinks of everything in terms of two. If she sees two sippy cups, she automatically picks both up and heads straight over to D to give her one of them. If she's using the walker and D wants it (because D uses it as her main transportation and our apartment is almost ADA accessible), we ask C if she'll "share" with D. C immediately walks right over and hands the walker off. C shares her food with D too, even going so far as to try to feed D before herself.

Recently, sharing has gotten a bit harder for them. They like what they like and they aren't as easily distracted by something new. So I've started to encourage them to 'trade.' I'll say "If you want that, why don't you trade her for X?" This started out somewhat simply--I'd basically just switch off whatever each had in her hand. Then I'd say "Good trade!" and feel a bit like I was reenacting some scene in "Dances with Wolves."

But again, as they develop better senses of selves they have become more reluctant to give things up. So we've almost moved into a form of negotiation. Examples:

--D has a toy helicopter C wants. C holds two toothbrushes. C wants the helicopter. She sees D eyeing the toothbrushes...she shoves the toothbrushes into Dss line of sight...as soon as D shows interest C swiftly grabs the helicopter out of D's hands.

--D is reading a truck book the Roystons gave them---a HUGE fave. C wants to read it. She signs please to D and D shakes her head slowly back and forth--it's a no go for C. She starts picking up every book around her and offering it to D with a half pleading/half selling look (I'm totally NOT kidding). D keeps shaking her head back and forth as each one arises. Finally C shifts tactics and waits until D is distracted by something other than reading, then she pounces on the book.

--They're in the wagon on the way home from a painful morning walk (mornings w/ the munchkins can be tough). Their terrible mother has given C her cell phone to hold (this new one is at least insured, and hopefully none of you are on my speed dial). D wants it. To placate her, I let her hold my wallet (I know TERRIBLE mother). D still wants the phone, so she offers C the wallet. C shakes her head, "No way." D is still unhappy, so her terrible, awful, worn out mother opens the wallet up so she can look at my credit cards/license (she' can't pull out ...yet... but let's hope ACD doesn't read this or he might have my head if I lose a CC soon). Suddenly, C wants that wallet! She starts shoving the phone into D's lap and trying to grab the wallet w/ her other hand, but D wants nothing of it. Now she's psyched to have the wallet. C bounces up and down on the wagon seat while trying to get D to accept the phone for the next block until we get home.

Ok, so maybe this doesn't sound that interesting, but I find it FASCINATING. I wish 'learning to trade' were a sign of some developmental milestone along w/ walking, talking, etc. I can't even find a 'baby sign language' example of 'trade' so maybe that says something. I'm not sure if they'd pass Negotiations Class at HBS yet (their mother still hasn't), but I'd like to believe that a basic understanding of 'trading' points to something good going on in their brains.

If nothing else, watching them navigate the world and all its newness together makes their parents think they are the sweetest, kindest, cutest little things alive.